


Jac's Wonderful Life

by Tobiiiaaas



Category: Holby City
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-20 09:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobiiiaaas/pseuds/Tobiiiaaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recent conflict has left Jac Naylor at the end of her tether. Alone and isolated from her colleagues she decides there is only one way out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Jac Naylor brushed her long ginger hair out of her eyes and gazed down at the mountain of paperwork on her desk. She sighed irritably, producing a blue ballpoint pen from her shirt pocket and set about scribbling notes on the topmost sheet. Darwin Ward was quiet, almost too quiet, save for the usual sense of urgency that always hung over a busy cardiac ward. It was getting late. The outside was pitch black and silent except for the screeching of owls. Covering her mouth to conceal a yawn, Jac blinked and took a large gulp of coffee to recharge her system.   
“Jac, could you see to Mr. Franklin?” the voice of Elliot Hope drifted over to her, causing Jac to grumble under her breath. She could tell from the tone of his voice that Elliot would rather have asked someone else for this task; someone like Ollie or that needy, ‘look at me, am I impressing you?’ Tara.   
“Of course,” Jac replied with a sarcastic smile. Without waiting for him to reply, Jac swept away in the direction of Mr. Franklin. 

Mr. Franklin was sitting upright in his hospital bed as Jac approached him. His chest was heaving and his face appeared ashen. Jac whipped out her stethoscope and began to examine him gingerly. Satisfied, Jac replaced it back around her neck and began to feel around Mr. Franklin’s abdomen and chest with her fingers.  
“Tell me if it hurts,” she said as she gave his abdomen another sharp prod. Mr. Franklin winced sharply and Jac quickly withdrew her finger. “It hurts?” she asked. Mr. Franklin nodded. “It feels a little tender, just to be safe I’d like to get you back into theatre so we can have another look at the stent.”   
“What are you going to do?” he asked slowly, unable to disguise the obvious fear in his voice.   
“It’s just a small procedure to check the stent is fitted and working properly, nothing to worry about,” Jac told him sharply.   
“Okay...” Mr. Franklin replied uncertainly. “I’ll give my consent.”   
“Excellent decision Mr. Franklin,” Jac said militantly and strode away. 

***

“I’ve had it up to here with Jac,” Jonny was saying angrily as Elliot sipped a latte, not looking up from his desk. “It’s like she doesn’t even care!”   
“Ms. Naylor has always had a problem with showing her caring side,” Elliot replied.   
“Tell me about it,” Jonny continued, his face livid. “She chucks out anyone who even dares to care about her.” Elliot considered this for a moment.   
“I’ve often wondered that of her. It would seem to be some form of self defence mechanism,” he said softly.   
“It’s a bloody good defence,” Jonny muttered. Elliot peered at him over the top of his spectacles.   
“Jonny, how much do you know about Jac’s past?” he asked.  
“Only what she’s told me.”  
“Knowing Jac, I’m guessing that’s not a lot?” Jonny thought about this and as realisation dawned, he nodded.   
“There are things you need to know...” 

***

“Suction! I need more suction now!” Jac shouted as she attempted to stem the flow of blood. Mr. Franklin’s BP had collapsed through the floor as Jac tried desperately to get her operation back on course. “Paddles! Now! Come on!” The theatre was a scene of absolute chaos with everybody rushing around, trying not to get in each other’s way. “Charging...stand back. Okay, clear!” The monitor continued to flatline. “Right come on, I need everybody focussed, more suction!”   
“Ms. Naylor...”   
“Charging again, stand back! And clear!” There was still no response.  
“Ms. Naylor I think you should call it...” Jac nodded, defeated.   
“Dammit! Time of death 22:09.”   
“It’s not your fault, you did your-” But Jac had already stormed out of the theatre letting the double doors slam shut behind her.   
“Jac!” Jonny’s voice, sharp and determined, floated behind her as she strode towards her office.   
“Not now Jonny, I’m really not in the mood!” Jac snapped at him and continued to walk away.   
“Jac we need to talk now!” Jonny persisted furiously.   
“You’ve said your piece,” Jac retorted, her eyebrows slanted in anger, although with her back to Jonny he could not see.  
“Oh no I really, really haven’t Jac!” Jonny was following Jac as their argument echoed around the ward.   
“In here!” Jac glared, ushering Jonny into the staff room. As soon as Jonny entered, Jac slammed the door shut behind him. “How dare you go after me like that!” Jac raged. “I am a consultant and you, you are nothing but a nurse!” Jonny ignored this slight, but his face was white with anger.   
“Why didn’t you tell me about this Byrne family?” Jac’s heart plummeted through her stomach at his words.   
“That, that has nothing to do with you!”   
“Sounds like you gave this poor Joseph fellow a right old ride!” Jonny’s Scottish accent was becoming broader and broader the angrier he became.   
“Who the hell do you think you are Jonny? My past has nothing to do with you or anyone!” Jac’s face was white and contorted with fury.   
“Is that what you do Jac, do you just kick out anyone who cares for you and stab them in the back?” Jac raised her hand, ready to strike Jonny but catching herself in time she lowered it, staring straight into his eyes.   
“I’m not proud of what I’ve done but I move on. Why can’t everyone else do the same?”   
“Because you never seem to learn...I’ve had enough of you.” Jonny shrugged as though deciding she wasn’t worth the hassle and without another word, he left. Jac just stood there, silent, Jonny’s last words ringing in her head. There was a knock at the door. A sharp tap.   
“Jac are you in there?” Jac did not reply, she had no desire to speak to Elliot right now as silent tears streamed down her cheekbones. “Jac I know you’re in there. I need to speak to you urgently.” Once again Jac did not reply; she barely registered Elliot’s voice as her mind filled with long buried memories. Jac did not even look up as Elliot pushed open the staffroom door gingerly. “Jac it’s about your mother...”

***  
“Do you just kick out anyone who cares for you and stab them in the back?” Jonny’s words echoed all around Jac’s head as she stormed down the stairs and away from Darwin. “You never seem to learn!” Jac’s eyes were blotchy from unwanted tears and her hair a mess from ringing her hands through it.   
“Jac it’s about your mother...” Jac found herself on the ground floor and without a moment’s hesitation she rushed through the exit and out into the cold wintery night. Christmas lights and decorations were the only things lighting her way.   
“I’ve had enough of you...” Jac walked over towards her motorbike, placing her helmet over her face and head.   
“You’ll be lucky if you end up running an STD clinic in the outer Hebrides...” Joseph’s angry words from such a long time ago...Jac started the ignition on her bike; the engine roared to life and Jac’s rode off into the night.   
“All you do is use people...”  
“We had our time...” Jac accelerated.   
“Nobody cares Jac, we’ve all had enough...”  
“You wheedle your way in with his father!” Jac swerved around a sharp corner, a new resolve now firmly sorted in her mind.   
“You lie and cheat and twist just to make yourself feel superior to everyone else!”  
“I never loved you Jac, you were a mistake. A child I wished I’d never had.” Jac’s visor was becoming obscured by her increasing flow of tears. Her bike swerved round another sharp corner in the road and in the dim glow of Christmas, Jac could make out a granite wall...if she were to just forget to turn and slam straight into that wall it would all be over. She pressed down hard on the brakes and her bike came to a skidding halt. She lifted her helmet off her head and chucked it away. For a few moments Jac just stared at that wall, her hand holding the brake firmly; if she let go...   
“Excuse me? Hello there?” Jac looked round in disbelief to discover a little old lady standing beside her.   
“What...who...where did you come from?” Jac stuttered.   
“Oh please excuse me,” the old lady said with an apologetic expression on her face. “It’s just I think I dropped my purse around here earlier-” She stopped speaking suddenly and just stared first at Jac then at the wall a little way ahead of them. “Oh,” she muttered.   
“Oh?! What do you mean oh?” Jac said, getting irritable. Something wet and cold landed on her cheek; Jac looked up at the night sky. It was snowing.   
“You seem to have something you want to do,” said the old lady mystically. Jac couldn’t think why she said what she was about to say or why the words formed in her mouth, but form they did and say them she did.   
“I wish I never existed.”   
“Do you?”   
“Yes, I’ve ruined everything. I’ve mucked up my life! I’ve ruined everyone else’s, they’d all be better off without me. All I do is destroy and I’m sick of it!”   
“Very well then. You have never existed.” Jac laughed.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Like I said, as of this moment, Jac Naylor never existed...” The words hit Jac with an icy feel as she looked all around. This couldn’t be true, could it? No, it was impossible, Jac decided. What if it wasn’t? 

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. PART TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having wished her life away, Jac is shown the affect her decision will have on the world she knew

PART TWO

Jac Naylor felt cold and clammy as she considered what the old Lady had said. Chills ran through her neck and spine; she couldn’t believe it. This was farfetched. That old lady was like something out of a fairytale; she appeared real yet she felt out of this world. Her voice was strangely soothing but it cut through Jac’s soul like a knife.   
“What do you mean I never existed?” Jac asked, her eyes flashing desperately at the old Lady.   
“You were never born. It’s what you wanted,” the old Lady replied with a twee smile. Jac shook her head. This was ludicrous, she thought. She had wished it, that much was true, but it was just one of those thoughts you sometimes had...You never truly believed it could be done. The cold night air bit at Jac’s exposed face; the icy wind lashing around her as she shivered. “Take my hand,” said the old Lady, reaching out towards Jac. “I need to show you something,” she continued warmly. Jac found herself taking this peculiar woman’s hand without a moment’s hesitation.   
“Who are you?” she asked in a tone most unlike Jac Naylor.   
“Grace. Yes, that was my name,” she said in a slow whisper. Jac frowned quizzically. Grace seemed not to notice as she motioned for Jac to walk down the road with her. “Come on Jac, there is much you must see.”   
“But I don’t understand what you mean,” Jac said, her voice rising shrilly. “Where are we going?”   
“To show you the truth,” replied Grace with a prolonged gaze at Jac. Without another word she continued to lead Jac into the dark, dead of night. A strange silence descended broken only by the whistling of the wind

***

Jac stared in disbelief at the garishly pink Rolls Royce that now lay before her eyes. She looked at Grace and then back to the Rolls. It was as if she had stepped from her life into the world of a puppet kids show. This had to be some kind of peculiar joke.  
“You have got to be kidding me,” she said incredulously.  
“Please get in,” Grace instructed firmly. Jac sighed.  
“Pink is so not my colour,” she said as she climbed reluctantly onto the back seat.  
“I must apologise for the colour, I asked for silver but you know what it’s like...you order one thing and get another,” Grace was saying as she climbed in after her. Jac said nothing. Her response was simply the raise of an eyebrow. The door slammed shut suddenly. Grace clapped her hands together enthusiastically. “Driver!” The Rolls lurched into life with a low rumble and began to move away. The first thing Jac noticed was that it was now mysteriously daylight. Feeling slightly bewildered, Jac chose to ignore it; this is just a dream, she told herself.   
“Where are we going?” Jac asked again.   
“You will see,” said Grace. The scenery flashing past the Rolls began to change, it seemed familiar to Jac but she couldn’t quite place it; everything was a blur in her mind. Then it dawned on her, the trees, the hedges, the rush of ambulances across the soulless tarmac of the ground and...  
“Hang on a moment...this is-”   
“Holby City, yes. Where you have devoted the last seven years of your life,” Grace interrupted simply.   
“But this is different. It feels so different,” Jac murmured uncertainly.   
“The year is 2006. It is the 24th of October,” Grace answered. Jac’s face whitened. That date was terrifyingly familiar to her. “You know what I refer to, don’t you?” Jac said nothing. The Rolls came to a sudden halt, its tyres screeching as though they were in pain. “Come on,” Grace continued, “there is much you must see.” She pushed open the door and clambered out into the murky sunshine. Jac followed awkwardly, her lips trembling. 

Away from them they could make out a group of people stood by the entrance to the hospital as a body was wheeled out in front of them. Their mood was sombre and silent save for the uncontrollable tears of some.   
“What’s happening?” Jac asked as she stared at the collection of those grieving. There was something ugly about it all, something that Jac could not place. She felt cold and detached; it was as if she was part of the events yet not. In-between. Unnoticed.   
“Take a closer look,” Grace instructed. As they moved closer towards the hospital, Jac began to recognise some of the people fighting back their tears. Then she saw him. A person she never thought she would ever see again.   
“It can’t be!” Jac cried out but to her surprise no one acknowledged her. At the front, he stood. Lord Charles Byrne. He was crying, his left hand gripping the shaking right hand of his wife. Both Byrnes were trembling, their faces twisted by shock. A horrible thought crossed Jac’s mind and without stopping to think about what she was doing, she started to run towards the ambulance where the unknown body was now being loaded into. Grace stood rooted to the spot, merely watching her. There was an expression of sorrow etched across her ancient features.   
“And now you will see.” Jac skidded on the damp grassy verge beside the ambulance. The doors were beginning to close but Jac managed to get a glimpse of the body, the handsome face exposed in the black body bag. Her worst fears were confirmed. It was Joseph. Jac sank to her knees, ringing her hands through her hair in despair. Memories long pushed to the back of her mind flooded back to her. She could see him, hear his voice, even remember the scent of his skin. Jac closed her eyes tightly.  
“I love you,” she whispered under her breath.  
“I love you too,” came the reply in her head. The memories and reminisces were flooding in now. Jac screwed up her eyes, she was trying her hardest to banish them as she had done before.   
“So it begins.”

***

“This is not real. This is not real. This isn’t happening,” Jac said over and over again as she leant forlornly over the Rolls. She stared over her shoulder, watching as Lord Byrne and Lady Byrne comforted each other in distress. But this was wrong, Jac thought desperately. Joseph didn’t die. He was saved...  
“I’m sorry.” Grace took hold of Jac’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Do you understand?”  
“Understand what?” Jac snapped back at her. “What is this?”   
“You remember this day?”   
“Of course I do,” Jac replied instantaneously. “This was the day I-” she stopped abruptly, covering her mouth in horror.   
“This was the day you saved Joseph Byrne from an overdose,” Grace finished for her solemnly.   
“So why is he dead?” Jac shrieked!   
“Because you were never born,” Grace replied sympathetically.  
“Stop saying that!” Jac said, tears streaming out of her eyes.  
“You were never there to be a friend to him; you were never there to protect him. Simply put, when the pressure became too much for young Joseph, no one was there to help him. He died in agonising pain, wretched and forgotten. It was hours before they found him,” Grace sighed as though she were carrying a huge weight upon her shoulders. Jac said nothing; she had no words to say. “And now it is time for us to move on.” Jac shook her bedraggled hair out of her tear-strewn eyes but did not move. “Jac, we must go.”   
“I can’t...”  
“There’s nothing you can do here. You don’t exist.” Jac looked over at the Byrnes once more; she saw their love for each other solidified by the loss of their son. Yet it didn’t feel right. This was not meant to be.   
“I have to fix this,” Jac resolved. 

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. PART THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace shows Jac the next corner in the road of her life and Jac feels more and more helpless as she struggles to accept the truth. Meanwhile horrifying events from the past rear their ugly head...

PART THREE

Thunder boomed overhead as Jac sat in the Rolls watching Grace intently; her mind thought of Joseph and the love that in this twisted world would now never happen because of her. No tears slid down Jac’s face. Her heart ached and her head pounded, making her feel dizzy yet Jac found she could not summon another tear. Rain began to patter the window, gently at first but gradually getting heavier and heavier. There was another roar of thunder; Grace gently tapped the back of the driver’s seat and almost immediately the Rolls responded, the engine churning to life with a slight splutter. She looked back at Jac who was absentmindedly twirling her ginger curls between her fingers and thumb. Boom! The Rolls shook gently as another clap of thunder sounded, closer this time. Seconds later there was a flash of bright white light; hail was pelting the roof with vigorous intent.   
“Are you okay?” Grace enquired all of a sudden; she was still watching Jac, a curious expression etched all over her face. Jac looked up at her.  
“No,” she replied. “Why would I be? What is there to be okay about? There is nothing okay about any of this!” Jac’s voice was high and shaky; it cracked and petered out. Another flash of lightning.   
“Don’t worry, we’re almost at the next stop...” Grace turned away from Jac, her smile disappearing into a look of futility and sadness. “I’m sorry, Jac, I’m really, really sorry...” The rain and hail increased their onslaught and soon the tremendous noise drowned out the rest of the conversation. The Rolls drove on into the night in the direction of its next stop. The next stop in the road of Jac’s life. 

***

“Hey Donna, it’s Maria,” Maria Kendall said cheerfully into her mobile. She was standing in the fenced outside area of the hospital, the light fading slightly.   
“Hey girl,” Donna Jackson’s reply came crackled but still with the hint of the happy-go-lucky sound she always had.   
“Listen Donna, I’m still on shift, can we arrange that drink for 9?” Maria asked hopefully.   
“Well, I’m gonna head to the pub now but I’ll still be there later,” Donna replied. Maria recognised the expression in Donna’s voice; her lips tightened angrily.   
“You know what Donna, don’t bother. Have your fun,” Maria snapped! Before Donna could plead her case, Maria hung up and threw her mobile into her trouser pocket. She started to cry quietly. Annoyed with herself, Maria wiped her eyes furiously.   
“Excuse me, are you okay?” A man’s voice drifted behind her soothingly.   
“Yes, yes I’m fine Mr. Clooney,” Maria said stiffly. She looked around, there was no one else around.  
“Are you sure?” Clooney pressed. Maria’s eyes flashed in annoyance. She just wanted to be alone right now. “Have you been stood up?”  
“Yes...no...what are you doing out here? You should be inside recovering,” Maria told him sternly.   
“I’ve been discharged,” Clooney said quickly before changing his voice to the forced soothing tone he had used before. “Whoever stood you up must be an idiot.” Maria took a step back from him, something in the back of her mind was worrying her; the hairs on her neck standing on end.   
“Look this concern is really nice and all but I have to go,” Maria said uncertainly; she found herself captured by Clooney’s charm. He took a step towards her but it wasn’t menacing or sudden; Maria stood rooted to the spot as Clooney leant in to kiss her. Shocked, Maria pushed back, forcing Clooney away from her. “What are you doing?” Maria shouted! Clooney’s manner changed instantly.   
“Oh you’re such a tease aren’t you? You’re all the same, all of you!’ Clooney grabbed Maria’s arm, pulling her towards him violently. She attempted to break free from his grip but Clooney was stronger than her. Viciously, Clooney slapped her, his fingernails causing a deep scratch above her eye. He covered her mouth with his other hand whilst holding Maria’s arm behind her back, Maria struggled desperately but there was nothing she could do. She felt herself being thrown to the ground, her knees grazing across the wooden patio. Without thinking, Maria kicked out at Clooney, winding him in the stomach. Stunned, Clooney let go and Maria started to crawl away from him but he was too fast for her. She felt a sudden searing pain racing through her scalp as Clooney gripped her hair and pulled her back to him. Maria tried to scream but Clooney covered her mouth with his sweaty hand again. A sense of helplessness began to descend over Maria. There was nothing she could do to fight against this brute; there was no one around to see or hear anything. Maria did the only thing she could think of; she bit down hard on Clooney’s hand causing him to cry out in agony. Maria regretted this piece of bravery almost immediately as Clooney, in a fit of rage, smacked her hard around the face. Maria felt her nose break and the flow of blood streaming from the wound and then it all went black. 

***

“What are you trying to say?” Jac asked although she already knew the answer. Grace gave her one of her trademark sympathetic looks.   
“Come on, I’ll show you.” Jac followed her as she walked away from the Rolls, leading Jac closer to the truth. It was cloudy overhead; the rain, thunder and hail had mysteriously dissipated almost instantly as soon as they had arrived back at the hospital. Jac didn’t like to ask how when leaving the hospital they had arrived at the hospital. She wasn’t even sure she knew what was going on yet. Every time Jac felt she had some kind of grasp upon the situation something even more bizarre would occur, leaving her feeling more confused than ever before.   
“Whatever weird nightmare this is, I’d like to wake up now,” Jac muttered breathlessly.  
“This is not a dream,” Grace said as Jac jumped.   
“How did you?...”  
“Come on,” Grace indicated for Jac to follow her onto the outside patio. Jac’s hands were trembling again. Her heart was sinking; she had more than an inkling of what she was about to discover. But as with Joseph’s death it felt wrong, this wasn’t what happened. This was not right, it never could be right. Jac felt like she was the only one who knew the truth in a world where everything was just...wrong. 

***

As the dust settled Maria opened her eyes groggily. It was darker; there was nothing but the sound of wildlife in the plants. Terrified, she sat up immediately and looked around. Clooney was gone but the memory of what he had done to her would never fade. Maria spat out a mouthful of blood and dirt. She began to cry as she started to relive the last few minutes. She could still feel Clooney’s horrible sweaty hand covering her face as he violated her. She could smell his putrid breath, her tears became more pronounced and Maria felt alone and cold, abandoned in the cruel world.   
“Maria?” Jac said horrifiedly. She couldn’t believe it but the more Jac stared at Maria’s helpless body, her hands covering her face as she whimpered, the more she remembered her own experience. Jac had been lucky however...if Lola hadn’t been there...Jac did not like to think about what might have happened. “Maria look at me,” Jac said cautiously. Maria looked up at her, her expression now one of puzzlement.   
“Who are you?”   
“What do you mean? It’s Jac...”   
“Jac?” Maria was scared; she backed away from Jac, eyeing her with growing fear.   
“Jac Naylor, we work together!” Jac shouted despairingly!  
“I’ve never seen you before in my life!” Maria cried back.   
“Yes you have! You know you have.”   
“Leave me alone!” Maria screamed! “Just get out...get away from me!” She collapsed into floods of tears. Jac stepped forward to comfort her but a firm hand on her arm pulled her back. Jac protested momentarily but stopped as she heard Grace’s voice in her ear.   
“There’s nothing you can do, remember you don’t exist...”  
“This isn’t right. Maria never...she wasn’t...it was meant to be me...” Jac was shaking violently.   
“That’s right but without Jac Naylor treating him, Alan Clooney turned his attention upon a young nurse, determined to have his moment of power.”   
“This still isn’t what happened though! Clooney never finished the attack, Lola stopped him...”   
“It’s amazing the ripples one person can create in life,” Grace said quietly.  
“What do you mean? Stop speaking riddles!” Jac shouted irritably.   
“You take one person out of the equation and the whole sequence of events changes irreparably.” Jac could see Maria in the corner of her eye struggling to stand and attempting to hobble back inside. The sight of her face caused Jac’s heart to break into a thousand pieces. “Come on,” Grace murmured softly. Jac nodded and dutifully followed Grace back to the Rolls. 

***

Jac stared back at the hospital, illuminated in the twilight sky. She could make out the silhouettes of people rushing past the windows, busy on their shifts. Jac felt a sense of longing as though she ought be up there with them. Being a doctor was the only thing Jac had ever felt good at. The only thing in which she thought she really excelled. Yet even in her world, Jac knew in her heart; she needed more than just being a doctor.   
“I can’t do this, this is too much,” Jac whispered.   
“You can if you try,” Grace replied.   
“I can’t!” Jac’s voice pierced the air.   
“Trust me,” Grace said firmly. “You will discover before the end.” They climbed back into the Rolls without another word. Jac took one last long look at the hospital with deepening sorrow in her eyes. As the Rolls drove away the hospital began to fade, first into a shadow and then into nothing. Jac turned around in her seat beside Grace, her seatbelt fastened, patiently waiting for the next part of this continuing nightmare.   
“This is wrong...” Thunder clapped loudly outside; Jac shivered but Grace was silent, unmoving. The Rolls was being struck by hailstones just as it had been before but they seemed heavier and more dangerous this time. A flash of forked lightning lit up the sky and the inside of the Rolls; for a few brief seconds Jac’s terrified, haunted face was visible to everyone. Jac couldn’t explain how it made her feel; the rain that followed the pause in the hailstorm’s onslaught were like tears. Tears that were out of her own control. Jac listened as the rain became heavier, a flow of emotion that could not be stemmed.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. PART FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jac must learn to face her demons when her mother re-enters her life

PART FOUR

The sun was setting slowly; Jac gazed at it from out the Rolls window. For the first time in a very long while, Jac found herself appreciating the immense beauty of the spectacle. The sun’s rays grew fainter and fainter until they vanished completely over the distant horizon. Darkness engulfed the car as they drove on into the night.   
“Where are we going?” Jac asked suddenly.   
“You will see,” Grace replied cryptically. Her hand was resting on her chest and there was a pained expression etched across her face. For a brief moment it looked to Jac as if Grace were fading...fading away from the world. She shook her head, blinking heavily. That was absurd, Grace was as real as she was. Jac looked away quickly as Grace look straight at her. “Just a small twinge, you’ll find they become more and more cumbersome when you get to my age,” she said with a small smile.   
“Right,” Jac said uncertainly. She wasn’t convinced. The rest of the journey passed by in silence. Jac returned to staring out of the window, her mind whirring in the dark. Everything Grace had shown her so far was playing back to her in slow-motion; she saw Joseph’s body as clear as day lying motionless on the trolley, the look of bewildered grief in the face of Lord Byrne as he comforted his wife and Maria...Jac recalled the piercing gaze of absolute terror that haunted Maria’s eyes. Wherever this car was taking them now, Jac knew it would not be any better than what had gone before and it all seemed to rest upon one thing. Her. Jac was the key to all of this and slowly the pieces were beginning to click into place. Joseph had died because she had not been there to find him in time; Maria had been raped because she...she had not been there to attract Clooney’s vile attention. Jac’s eyes stung; she felt miserable and selfish. Selfish because she had chosen to remove herself from the world rather than stay and fight her demons; selfish because now others were suffering in her stead. She rung her hands through her soft ginger hair. All this time Grace had been watching her. Her eyes were fixed and narrowed as though she were studying Jac, taking in every last detail about her. The Rolls came to a sudden halt.   
“Ah, we seem to have arrived,” Grace said brightly removing her gaze from Jac. Jac was shivering in the icy air as they got out of the car. “My dear you look frozen,” Grace said kindly as she wrapped a cardigan around Jac’s shoulders. Strangely the cold seemed to have no affect on Grace...

***  
Paula Burrows coughed violently; her chest heaved and ached from pain and exhaustion. Henry Burrows entered the room carrying a cup of pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.   
“Here,” he said, staring at Paula with sadness in his eyes.   
“Thank you,” Paula wheezed breathlessly. She swallowed the pills with difficulty, washing them down with the glass of water. Almost at once Paula began to cough and splutter, her weak grip slipped around the glass and it fell to the floor where it shattered into a thousand shards. “Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Paula cried in a panic.   
“It’s all right,” Henry said taking hold of her hand in his and squeezing it gently. “It’s not your fault.” Behind his kindly eyes Henry was a broken man. He hated seeing what was happening to his daughter, he couldn’t stand that she was slowly breaking in front of him and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. Paula had been on the waiting list for a kidney transplant for what felt like an eternity but still they were no closer to finding a possible donor than they had been when she was first diagnosed. It wasn’t fair, Henry told himself.   
“Any news?” Paula asked in a voice so frail it almost couldn’t be heard at all.   
“None,” Henry replied softly. “I wish there was more I could do,” he added.   
“You’ve done enough. More than enough,” Paula told him. She coughed again, specks of blood flying onto her hand. Henry looked away, tears forming in his old eyes.   
“Are you sure you won’t change your mind?” He asked without looking at her. Paula strained to speak but her resolve was firm.   
“I’ve made my decision,” she said, her eyes never losing their determined focus. 

***

Jac experienced an overhanging sense of foreboding as they approached closer to the front door. Although she did not recognise the house immediately, there was something agonisingly familiar about it. Jac could feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.   
“Knock on the door. Go on,” instructed Grace. Her voice was firm but kindly. Jac raised her hand to tap gently on the door’s wooden frame; she did not notice Grace place a stethoscope around her neck or feel the sudden extra weight of pills in her trouser pockets. When she looked back round, Grace had vanished. Jac raised her eyebrows quizzically. As she turned back to the door she was momentarily startled to see that it was already opening slowly however this was nothing compared to the look of astonishment that now covered Jac’s face. She blinked. He was still there. She blinked again. Still she could not shake the image of her grandfather, Henry Burrows, peering at her in the doorway.   
“Yes, my dear?” Henry enquired, looking from Jac’s face to the stethoscope dangling around her neck. “You must be the doctor I sent for,” he said with a sad smile. Jac looked flustered as she struggled to regain her usual composure.   
“What? Sorry...I mean yes, yes I am.”   
“You’d better come in,” replied Henry darkly. His manner was tense; Jac could tell something was frightening him and she knew that she would soon discover the reason. He led her through the hallway and into the living room. If Jac had been shocked at the sight of her grandfather, the look she now gave as she set eyes upon Paula Burrows was one of absolute horror but there was also an underlying desire to reconnect with her and fill the sense of loss that Jac felt. Her insides burned with rage as she saw her mother slumped in an armchair beside a roaring fire that crackled and spat in the air. Jac could sense the anger in her rising higher and higher but she knew that she had to keep a straight face in front of her. “I’ll leave you to it,” said Henry forlornly. He exited the room without a further word, leaving Jac alone with her mother.   
“So you’re my new doctor?” Paula asked weakly. Jac nodded and then quickly looked away as Paula began to cough aggressively, hacking at her lungs. “What’s your name?” She asked with a feeble gasp of breath.   
“Jac Naylor,” Jac replied stiffly. Paula forced her aching face into a pained smile.   
“Jac...short for Jacqueline I presume?”  
“Yes,” Jac nodded. Paula coughed again, her chest wheezing worse than before. As Jac stared at her mother she felt her anger slowly dissipating, replaced with regret and a sense of sadness at how pathetic her mother looked from the condition that was destroying her from the inside out.   
“A nice name, I always said if I had a daughter...I’d name her Jac,” Paula said quietly. “That opportunity never arose I’m afraid,” she said, spotting the look on Jac’s face. “I don’t regret the choices I’ve made in my life, only those I decided not to make.”   
“What’s wrong with you?” Jac asked unable to disguise the shaking in her voice. Paula looked up at her wearing an expression that could not be mistaken to be anything other than motherly.   
“Stage five chronic kidney failure,” she explained unflinchingly.   
“Isn’t there anything you can do?” Jac couldn’t bear to see her mother like this and the guilt she felt at her hatred was beginning to eat away at her.   
“Nothing at all,” Paula shrugged.   
“What about kidney transplants?” Jac knew she was clutching at straws here but there had to be something she could do to help her.   
“I’m on the register but no match found.” Paula noticed Jac’s quiet demeanour. “Are you all right Jac?” Jac shook her head heavily to clear the thoughts that were clouding her mind.   
“I’m fine, it’s you we should be worrying about,” Jac said sharply.   
“There’s nothing you or anyone can do for me now,” Paula told her with firmness in her voice. “Something’s troubling you...”   
“Nothing...it’s just...” Jac averted her gaze so that her mother would not see the glistening tears in her eyes.   
“This is familiar to you...isn’t it?” Paula displayed an incredible knack of guessing exactly what was bothering Jac. “My illness, you’ve seen it before.”  
“I’m a doctor-” Jac started but Paula cut across her.  
“I mean to say, you’ve seen it in someone close to you...” Jac nodded.   
“I lost my mother recently,” Jac said looking at the floor intensely. She didn’t know why she was telling Paula any of this.   
“I’m so sorry,” Paula said taking hold of Jac’s hand and squeezing it warmly.   
“It’s fine, we weren’t that close...” Jac’s voice trailed off.  
“Maybe not but I can tell how much it’s affecting you,” Paula whispered.   
“I hadn’t seen her in over two years and then-” Jac began but she stopped suddenly, her voice breaking up. “Sorry,” she muttered.  
“Take your time dear.” Jac took a deep breath.   
“I get a phone call telling me that my mother’s dead...how am I meant to react? What am I supposed to say?” Paula looked into Jac’s eyes interestedly.   
“We all have our secrets,” she said. “We all have cards we hold close to our hearts.” She coughed loudly as Jac stared away in silence. She considered the last time she had seen her mother and how she’d felt the day she died. That shift seemed a long time ago now; a different life. Paula was still coughing; her throat was retching and the specks of blood on her hand were increasing with each splutter. Jac placed her hand in her pocket and found her fingers enclosing, with surprise, around the bottle of pills Grace had given her earlier. She withdrew her hand quickly; Jac did not need to look at the bottle to know what they were but there had to be another way. This was her last chance. Her last chance to make things right with her mother. “Stay with me,” Paula murmured breathlessly. “Please.” Jac nodded and knelt beside her.

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. PART FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jac spends a heartfelt final day with her mother

PART FIVE

The clock on the mantelpiece ticked loudly. Tick, tock, tick, tock; Jac held her mother’s hand in silence. The fire crackled and spat but still neither woman spoke. Paula was staring into Jac’s eyes, noticing the warmth hidden behind them for the first time. Jac could feel her getting weaker and weaker as her coughs became heavier and more ragged. Tick, tock, tick, tock; the door opened gently behind them and Jac watched as her grandfather, Henry, entered the room. He appeared tired, his face was drawn and his eyes looked worn. It was Henry who broke the silence first.  
“I never thought it would be her,” he said with sadness in his voice. Jac looked up at him in surprise. “She was such a sweet child,” Henry continued. Behind them Paula had fallen asleep; she looked exhausted.  
“You can never predict what might happen,” Jac told him firmly but kindly.   
“I know she’s not going to last much longer,” he replied with tears brimming in his eyes. “You just don’t expect to have to bury your own child...” He began to cry silently. All the effort it had taken him to stay strong for Paula was finally becoming too much as the tears slid down his cheeks. Jac got to her feet and walked over to him, feeling slightly awkward she placed her arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I know I have to be strong for her sake.”  
“You are strong,” Jac said quietly. “Come on, why don’t I make you a cup of tea?” Jac didn’t know why she said this, all she knew was that she felt she had to do something for him. Henry nodded quietly and followed Jac into the kitchen. 

***  
The kettle hissed and whistled as the water approached the boil; both Jac and Henry were sitting at the wooden table.   
“How do you take it?” Jac asked him.  
“Milk, no sugar,” Henry replied. Jac nodded and stood up from the table. She walked over to the cupboards before glancing back at Henry. “Second to the right,” he informed her. Jac smiled as she flicked open the cupboard door and brought out a mug. As if like clockwork, the kettle had boiled the moment Jac placed the mug on the sideboard. She could sense Henry watching her as she busied herself making the tea.   
“It will get better,” Jac said in a low voice. She stirred the milk with a metal spoon and brought the mug of steaming tea over to Henry.  
“Thank you,” he said genuinely. He hadn’t said a word to Jac’s last comment. He blew gently on the mug and took a small sip.   
“All you can do now is make sure her last days are comfortable,” Jac said determinedly.   
“I don’t want to give up on her,” Henry told her. “I can’t give up on her, I have to keep fighting.” They gazed out of the kitchen window watching the snowflakes descending slowly to the ground.   
“I know and I wish there was more I could do,” Jac let out a heavy sigh.   
“You’ve done enough,” Henry said with an effort to smile.   
“All I did was sit and talk,” Jac said; she didn’t feel she had made much of a difference to her mother’s predicament at all.   
“Exactly,” Henry told her. He took another sip of his tea and watched as the snowflakes began to fall heavier. “I wonder if it’ll settle,” he murmured.   
“Who knows?” Jac said. “Perhaps it will,” she added.   
“I’ve got to accept it, don’t I?” Henry said suddenly, breaking his gaze from the window and looking back at Jac. “She’s fading from me.”   
“She’s not fading,” Jac whispered. “Her memory will never fade.”   
“I could never forget.” Henry blinked then gave Jac a piercing stare. “There’s something about you I can’t place,” he said slowly. “Why do you care so much?”   
“I have my reasons,” Jac said cryptically. She wanted desperately to tell him the truth, to tell him that Paula was her mother and he, her grandfather. But she couldn’t. Although they were the same in appearance and identical to how she remembered them, Jac knew that this wasn’t her world. This wasn’t her life.   
“I don’t know why...I feel like I can trust you.” Jac found herself smiling at this as the rest of the conversation passed in a soothing silence. 

***

It was now early evening, Jac had left Henry in the kitchen as he pottered around chopping up vegetables for his dinner and returned to Paula who was sitting wide awake in her chair by the fire.   
“How is he?” Paula asked in a noticeably weaker voice.   
“He’s coping,” Jac informed her.   
“I know he puts on a brave face for me,” Paula continued. “He thinks I can’t see but I do...” She had another attack of retching chesty coughs and Jac couldn’t help noticing how much frailer she looked. She was going downhill fast and it didn’t look like she would last much longer. “I know what you’re thinking,” Paula said sharply.   
“Sorry,” Jac muttered.  
“It’s okay, I know what’s happening to me.” Tick, tock, tick, tock; the clock was still going, time still passing by behind them. Jac could still feel the bottle of pills in her pocket. She had forgotten about them for a while but as she sat beside Paula again, she remembered. She reached over and gave the fire a poke, resurrecting the faded flames. Tick, tock, tick, tock.   
“How are you feeling?” Jac didn’t know what else to ask.  
“Like crap,” Paula replied simply, then gave a hoarse little chuckle. Jac couldn’t help giving her mother a small smile. The fire was roaring again, the warmth spreading over them and illuminating the room, however it showed Jac how worn out her mother looked. Her face was pale and grey and she appeared even more emaciated than before. “I’m sorry,” Paula said suddenly.   
“What for?” Jac asked in a surprised voice.   
“What your mother did when you were twelve,” she said softly. Jac’s expression turned stony, memories of her childhood flooding back...of how Paula had abandoned her without a second thought...of how she had felt but then she looked back at this Paula, the Paula who had never had a daughter, never abandoned her and she felt her anger dissipating, replaced by astonishment at how she had known. “You’re wondering how I knew,” Paula’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Aren’t you?” Jac nodded faintly. “I knew as soon as I laid eyes on you.” Jac said nothing. She just sat, watching Paula intently. “You try to hide it well but it’ll always be there, bubbling beneath the surface.”   
“I don’t know what to say,” Jac whispered, her voice cracking slightly. Paula took hold of her arm.   
“You’ve spent your whole life trying to be strong. But it’s okay to show weakness Jac, it’s okay to let go...”   
“Everyone thinks I’m heartless,” Jac told her hollowly.   
“You are anything but heartless. You just keep it locked away inside.”   
“I can’t let people in...”  
“You need to try. Don’t end up like me; apart from Henry, I have nobody.” Paula’s voice was full of sorrow and regret.   
“I’ve just been hurt every time,” Jac said, her voice cracking more than before.  
“There is no happiness without a little hurt now and again. It’s how we respond to the sorrow that helps us to move on. Memories will never fade but the scars will in time.” Paula swallowed awkwardly, her face screwed up in pain.   
“I threw everything away...”  
“Everyone makes mistakes.” Jac felt Paula give her arm a gentle squeeze of affection.   
“Every time I get close to having everything I ever wanted...I panic. I panic and lose it all,” Jac blinked and Paula could see the pent-up sadness lingering behind her beautiful eyes.   
“You’ve just got to understand when to make the right decision.”  
“But I never know what it is...”   
“You will know.” Paula wheezed and covered her mouth as another coughing fit overcame her. “Trust me,” she spluttered after a few minutes. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did.” Jac stared at her. “If you find love, grab it with both hands and don’t ever let it go.” Memories of Joseph flooded her mind. Jac’s eyes were swimming as she remembered the day she had said goodbye to him forever. She wished now more than ever that she had gone with him, that she had chosen the quiet life he so desired. But the opportunity had come and gone and passed her by. She would never get another chance.   
“I found it once,” she said under her breath. It was Paula’s turn to stare at her now. “Now it’s gone and I’m here, alone.”   
“You will find it again, I know you will.” Paula’s hands were trembling more than ever now and Jac knew she had to do something, anything to help her. “My time is coming,” Paula said. “I can feel it.”   
“Is there anything I can do?” Jac asked; she reached her left hand into her pocket and twirled the bottle between her fingers...her eyes rested on the glass of water that sat on the mantelpiece, untouched by Paula.   
“Yes, I want to be able to go with dignity...well with what little dignity I have left. I don’t want to linger here any longer.” Jac froze. Even though she had thought about it, now that Paula was speaking the words it seemed more real and Jac wasn’t sure if she had the strength to carry out her mother’s wishes. Paula sensed her unease. “I know it’s a lot to ask...but I’m tired.”   
“What about Henry?” Jac asked desperately.  
“He’ll understand,” Paula said in a tone of voice that was almost pleading. Although her body was weakening by the minute, her resolve had never lost its strength. “It would mean a lot...”  
“I know,” said Jac in a voice barely more than a whisper. She got to her feet. As she looked down at her mother’s silently convulsing figure, Jac’s resolve was simple. She had to help her in whatever way she could. If this was Paula’s final wish then Jac would obey it. It was the least she could do. “Shall I get Henry?” Paula said nothing. “He’ll want to say goodbye.”   
“I know.” Paula glanced up at Jac and saw the look in her eyes. “Very well,” she said. “Call him.”   
Jac didn’t need to, for when she looked up, she saw Henry standing there. Jac hesitated but Henry strode over to her and looked deep into her soul.   
“Don’t worry, I knew this moment would come.”   
“I’m sorry.”   
“Jac?” Paula asked, pointing a weak finger at Jac’s pocket where the bottle bulged slightly. Jac understood immediately. “It’s time,” Paula said with a determined look at Henry. Jac took out the little bottle and gently unscrewed the top. Inside the bottle was the exact collection of pills she needed to help Paula. Her eyes widened in surprise as she poured them onto Paula’s outstretched hand. Henry stepped forward to hold her hand steady but Paula shook her head. Grace must have known, Jac thought as she watched Paula swallow the pills without hesitation. Jac brought the glass of water down to her and helped her drink. Then there was a moment of silence. Paula gave one last look at Jac and Henry.  
“Thank you,” she mouthed and Jac watched as the light in her mother’s eyes flickered and then faded away completely. Henry’s lips trembled as Jac checked Paula’s pulse and with a heavy sigh, closed her eyes.   
“Goodbye mother,” she whispered so that Henry would not hear her. 

***

Jac stood beside Henry in the front doorway. It was pitch black save for the brilliant glow of the thick snow that covered the ground for as far as they could see. Jac could make out a silhouette of a figure moving slowly towards them. She knew it was time to say goodbye but there were no words to say. The figure was closer now; Jac closed her eyes and made an impulsive decision. She gave Henry a gentle hug, gazed into his eyes and turned away. He watched as Jac walked into the distance, accompanied by the silent figure.   
“It will get better,” said a voice above him. Henry looked up at the starry night sky and his mouth curled into a heartfelt smile.   
“I know.” With one last look, Henry saw the twinkle of a shooting star glide across the sky and headed back inside, closing the door behind him. 

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. PART SIX

PART SIX

Jac slammed a fist into the side of the Rolls. A flash of dark leather gloves flashed briefly at the window. Her face was red raw and her eyes shone through the night. She turned away from the car and stood as still as a statue, just watching the world go by. Jac closed her eyes, ignoring the bitter cold tear that dripped suddenly down her face. She shifted her body back and stared through the passenger door window. Jac noticed a photo lying discarded on Grace’s seat. A photo of...Jac looked away, shaking her head.  
“Are you okay?” Grace asked as Jac stood by the car, breathing heavily and looking over her shoulder at the house that lay far off in the distance. Jac hadn’t said a single word since she’d left her grandfather; she just stood there, her chest heaving up and down as she breathed. Wisps of smoke floated out of her mouth in the cold air. Grace waited patiently; there was no rush.   
The snow was still falling but much gentler now. Light flakes were floating softly to the ground, carried by the wind and melting in the snow that already covered the landscape. Stars shone in the sky, sparkling and illuminating the world. A crescent moon hung overhead bathing Grace and Jac in brilliant moonlight.   
“Do I look okay?” Jac said at last, looking up at the sky and feeling a wave of emotion wash over her. Grace didn’t need to answer this, she knew perfectly well that Jac did not look okay. In fact, Jac looked as far from okay as it was possible to be. “I hate snow,” Jac said miserably. “It’s cold, damp and lifeless.” Grace said nothing, she just stared into the distance appearing neither here nor there. “I used to love it as a kid, now it just reminds me of everything that I lost.” Jac looked down at the ground and scowling, kicked the snow off her shoes. She looked up. “I never expected it to feel like this.” Grace knew she wasn’t talking about snow anymore. “I don’t know why, I just can’t believe she’s really gone.”   
“We all have our time,” Grace said affectionately. “No one lives forever.” Jac swept her hair out of her eyes.   
“Just being with her, at the end, you realise-” Jac stopped mid-sentence, staring at the moon, her eyes wide with wonder.   
“Jac?” Grace inquired, looking at Jac in surprise.   
“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking out loud,” Jac told her simply. “What now?” Grace clapped her hands together.   
“The next thing on my list,” she said with a wry smile. Jac gave a trademark stare.   
“I suppose we’d better get going then,” she said and then burst out laughing. Grace watched her silently, studying her reactions. Jac pulled open the door to the Rolls, holding it ajar for Grace. “After you,” she said in a surprisingly upbeat voice. Grace frowned, her mind whirring furiously, and stepped inside. 

***

Far off in the distance, away from civilisation and deserted from life, a lonely figure traipsed through the thick snow. The man sported short grey hair and a tiny goatee beard on his frozen chin. No one knew from whence he had come or where he was going. He just continued to walk on, further and further away from the world. He wore dark blue galoshes, a dark maroon overcoat and black waterproof trousers that creaked as he crossed through the snow. His hand, covered by leather, clasped tightly round the handle of an oak cane. His eyes a brilliant shade of greyish green, full of despair yet hiding a glow of warmth behind them. Fading away.   
Every now and then, the man would stop, bend down and stare intently into the depths of the snow. It wasn’t clear just what he was searching for, but continue on he did. If anyone had been watching him on this cold moonlit night they would have found him strange, almost aloof. But no one was watching him, no one saw him move a muscle; he was alone, isolated and cut off. Yet this did not faze him, for it had been his choice to set off on this fateful journey. He was undaunted, determined and he knew there was only one journey to make. He would never return to the life he left behind.   
“Beautiful,” he murmured under his breath in a raspy voice, his eyes fixated upon a collection of leafless trees coated in snow like the icing on a cake. He watched the branches sigh in the wind, showering the ground with drops of snow. “Who needs machinery and artificiality, when we have such brilliant nature all around us...” The man sighed in wonderment. He continued to stride ahead into the darkness. 

***

“Where are we going?” Jac was watching the scenery flying past her window as the car rolled ever on into the night. Thoughts raced through her mind as the outside changed the further on they went. Streetlights faded away behind them, bathing them in a new darkness...nothing to light their way save for the faint glow of the car’s headlamps.   
“It’s best I don’t say,” Grace replied unhelpfully. Jac made a noise that sounded very much like a humph! She looked at Jac curiously; something still didn’t feel quite right. Something, wasn’t quite how it should be. “We’re nearly there,” she said sensing Jac’s next query a mile off.   
Jac made a little, “Oh,” noise and tilted her head to resume staring out the window. In the front of the Rolls, the driver drove on in silence, leather gloves fixed firmly upon the steering wheel. His grey hair seemed to shine slightly.   
“Have a biscuit?” Grace said out of nowhere, offering Jac a ginger nut that she took from a tin under her seat. Jac shook her head.   
“Calories and me don’t mix,” she said shortly.   
“Suit yourself,” Grace said, popping the biscuit into her mouth and crunching it between her teeth. “I always loved these,” she began, “I remember-” then stopped suddenly without another word.   
“Remember what?” Jac asked, but Grace simply shook her head and Jac fell silent once more. The driver gazed at Jac through the rear-view mirror. He smiled proudly. Grace caught his eye with a stern look and his face fell. All of this passed Jac by, unnoticed. The car swerved lightly around a corner, the back wheels slipping slightly over a patch of hidden black ice.   
Jac closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, slipping into a dream. She saw an ice-covered lake, vast and huge spreading out towards the horizon. She could see a hollow crack across the middle of it, the ice dipped and began to break apart and then Jac laid eyes upon the true horror. Jac was lying spreadeagled on the ice as it cracked beneath her, any second now the ice would break and she would fall through into the icy depths...Jac woke with a start, covered in a cold sweat. Her eyes wide with fear.   
“What happened?” She asked weakly, struggling to find her voice.   
“You drifted off,” came Grace’s reply. “Is something the matter?” She added spotting the terrified look still etched in Jac’s eyes.   
“Nothing...just a dream,” Jac lied.   
“As you wish,” Grace said not entirely believing Jac. “We’ve arrived,” she continued. 

***

The man stepped briskly across a small frozen stream, guided by his cane. He swayed gently in the soft breeze that now blew all around. Though on the outside he appeared calm and considered, the man possessed a heavy heart, full of regret for past mistakes. A tiny sparrow fluttered overhead and came to land on his shoulder, its claws digging lightly into his skin.   
“You don’t have such worries,” he told the sparrow with a heavy sigh. The sparrow chirped happily. “Sometimes I wish I could just fly away too.” He smiled as the sparrow unclenched its feet and took flight, soaring high and far away from him. “Fly, fly, fly away home.” The man lifted his cane from out the snow and trudged on; he smiled again for he knew his destination was close. “I see trees of green...” he began to sing under his breath, rasping the notes. “And I think to myself, what a wonderful world,” he turned a corner on his path and continued to walk steadily on to wherever he was going. The cold air was beating him heavily now but he didn’t care. Nothing was going to stop him, nothing could.  
The ice on the path was growing thicker with every step, black ice, white ice, hidden and visible in plain sight. The man tapped a frozen puddle with his cane; the ice cracked straight down the middle, revealing the dirty water below.   
“How quickly a shield can splinter,” the man said thoughtfully. “We’re all just fragile droplets in an ocean of life...” He stopped moving. At first it was not clear why he stopped but then he pushed away the branches that obscured the path and the reason became known. Lying before him was a vast frozen lake, magnificent in its splendour and stretching far out to the horizon; it filled the man with a sense of awe but also of fear. “So here we are at last, at the end.” He lifted his left foot gingerly and closing his eyes stepped forward onto the lake. The ice shifted slightly. 

***

Jac looked back at the Rolls, a puzzled expression appearing on her face. Where had the driver gone? Jac had definitely not seen him get out the car and there was nowhere else he could be in this wilderness, so where was he? Then she realised that even if she saw him, Jac wouldn’t recognise him as he had always been hidden in the front of the car. Jac’s mind was conflicted, confused and scared. Her emotions running riot inside her, she continued to follow Grace, wherever she was leading her. Grace was mysteriously silent, unflinching in the cold.   
“Where are we going?” Jac asked at last after minutes of deathly quiet walking. Grace didn’t say a word but merely pointed with a gnarled finger into the horizon. “That explains everything.” Jac muttered sarcastically. Grace was unperturbed by this and continued to lead Jac on. “I hope we get wherever there is soon, I’m freezing,” Jac complained. A mist appeared to be descending over them, causing the already chilly temperature to drop considerably more. It added an eerie quality to the air and Jac began to feel as though she were trapped in a cage with no way of getting out. The fog thickened the further on they strode and as Jac glanced over her shoulder, all she could see was...nothing.   
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Grace spoke out of the blue.   
“What?” Jac said.   
“All the things that light our way.” Jac didn’t know what to make of this comment and so decided to say nothing. “Nearly there now,” Grace added as though an afterthought.   
“Good,” Jac said shortly. They walked on in silence, shivering, feeling the dampness of the fog on their faces. 

***

The man took another careful step across the ice, bringing each foot down softly so as not to break it. He looked back behind him and marvelled at how far he had gone already. The wind was growing stronger now, whipping his hair and biting his face, but still he ventured on. He pushed his left foot forward again and placed it down as gently as before. The ice cracked. A wave of panic washed over him and the man drew back away from the crack. He changed direction, heading out for stronger ice to hold his weight.   
He only had to take a few more steps and then he could stop. The man’s spirits lifted as he thought this...just a few more steps; his left leg moved forward again. Just four more steps, his right leg moved in front. Just three more...two more...one more...there. The man stood, exactly in the middle of the frozen lake and faced the way he had come. He sighed a sigh of relief. “Well, then, here we are at last.” The man grasped his cane tightly and stood stock still, waiting. Waiting for whatever it was he waited for. 

***

Jac felt the sudden crunch of ice underneath her feet as Grace led her on. Remembering her dream, Jac stared down at the ground and was startled to discover they were standing on a frozen lake, no, the frozen lake that had pervaded her mind. She shuddered. The air was now so cold that Jac could feel the tips of her fingers growing bluer. The still falling, gentle snowflakes, clung to her hair and slid down her cheekbones.   
“Not too much further,” Grace called to her. “Just keep walking. Be careful though, the ice can be treacherous.”   
“You don’t say,” Jac said with a frosty look. The fog was still hanging thickly overhead but Jac thought she could see an opening just ahead. That had to be where they were making for, Jac pondered. Grace appeared to be getting further and further ahead of her, moving farther away with each step.   
“Keep going,” Grace’s voice floated dreamily back to Jac. Jac looked to see where Grace had got to but she was now so far ahead that the fog concealed her from view. She could still hear the gentle, strangely comforting, tapping of Grace’s footsteps and Jac knew there was nothing to fear as long as she heard that sound. But then it stopped and all was ghostly quiet.   
“Grace?” Jac said uncertainly. There was no answer. The only sound was the creaking of the ice and the whistling of the blowing wind. “Grace?” Jac called out again. She kept walking on towards the gap in the fog but her heart was filling with a new terror that could not be appeased. “Grace!” Jac screamed the name this time at the top of her lungs, panic overcoming her.   
“Jac?” A raspy voice came floating back to her becoming distorted in the wind so that it was unclear whether it was male or female. Nevertheless Jac was still frightened as she pressed on through the cold grey mist, following the direction of the voice. The opening was now just inches away...Jac stepped through and her eyes widened in shock. It wasn’t Grace standing on the ice in front of her, it was-  
“Hello Jac,” said the driver of the Rolls. Jac swayed on the spot, her insides cold and clammy as she surveyed the man standing in front of her, looking from his short grey hair to the goatee beard right down to the leather gloves covering his hands. She recognised him as the driver only by those gloves. This was impossible, utterly impossible, Jac’s mind thought desperately. How could he be here? How could he have been there the whole time? Jac closed her eyes, praying that she was still dreaming and any second now she would wake up in the car, far away from here.   
The man watched Jac with a kindly twinkle in his eyes. He didn’t say anything as Jac’s brain went into overdrive; he knew not to interrupt her thoughts. This was an enormous shock for her and not only that, it was a delicate one too. The slightest misstep could ruin everything.   
“Dad?” Jac said incredulously, finally finding her voice.

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. PART SEVEN

PART SEVEN

There was an uneasy silence between the pair of them. Jac stared motionlessly at her father, unable to speak, her mind spinning in complete disbelief. She closed her eyes, blinked, and opened them again. He was still there. But, how could he be here? Jac ran her hands through her hair in desperation. Where was here anyway? Jac looked around the miles of desolate cold ice that surrounded them as they stood precariously in the middle of a frozen lake. Where were they and why had Grace abandoned her...just like that?   
All this time, her father had been watching her curiously. He didn’t speak; he just stood, waiting for her to accept the truth. Jac noticed how cold and frail he looked as he leant uneasily on his cane. Finally she found her voice as the bitter wind whistled loudly overhead.   
“How?” she spluttered meekly. Her eyes were wide and questioning, the tone of her voice high-pitched, almost scared. Jac’s father watched her a little longer, contemplating his response. He appeared frailer and more worn with each passing moment.   
“What do you mean?” He asked with a gentle smile at his daughter. Jac took a step back from him; it wasn’t that she distrusted him, she just couldn’t be sure it was him.   
“How are you here?” Jac’s voice was clearer now but still with a hint of terror hidden behind it. Behind them the moonlight pierced through the clouds, giving the snow a yellowish glow.   
“Because I have to be,” he replied determinedly. Jac started to pace around in a tight circle, muttering under her breath:  
“No, no, no, no, no, no...”  
“No?” said her father quizzically. Jac stopped pacing.  
“You can’t be here!” She cried out emotionally. “It’s impossible!”   
“Why?” Jac rounded on him:  
“Because you died!” 

***

Footsteps echoed over a metal floor. They marched on clinically through the darkened room, shadowy and silhouetted. All around the newcomer were rows and rows of beds with white metal frames, each occupied by a sleeping figure. The stranger didn’t stop to look at any of them, simply moving further down the room towards the door at the other end. In the faint light given off by the flickering single bulb overhead some of the faces of those occupying the beds could be seen. Their faces were pale, ashen-like and gaunt. Some looked half-dead; some appeared faded as though they were almost gone from the world. Others were covered with gashes, some large, some small; their skin was caked in dried blood.   
They weren’t all asleep. As the stranger got closer to the other side, a few of the patients began to stir. They coughed and retched; some were crying while others were being violently sick into a bucket placed beside their bed. A tiny, hollow-looking young woman with wispy brunette hair clambered unevenly out of bed and made towards the still marching shadow.   
“Ah...ah...ah...Are you?” the woman asked, stuttering over her words. The stranger stopped dead in her tracks. They turned around and stared piercingly at the woman that stood, bent double, in front of her. “Ah...ah...ah...ah...are you here to s...s...s...save us?” Her eyes were wide and frightened; she looked incredibly weak.   
“I’m afraid not,” the stranger replied in a not unkindly voice. “Someone will be here soon,” they added in an attempt to reassure the now trembling woman.   
“S...s...soon?” She struggled to say.   
“Go back to bed,” the stranger told her soothingly. “It’s freezing out here, you need to keep warm.” The woman didn’t move.   
“Y...you m...m...must help us...”   
“I can’t.” The woman just stared. “I’m sorry, I wish I could but it’s not for me to decide.”   
“You w...won’t help us?” The woman’s voice was almost pleading now. The single light was blinking on and off so that every now and then all the stranger could see were the whites of the woman’s eyes. They felt slightly freaked out by this.   
“I have to go,” they said firmly. The stranger turned away from the now inexplicably mumbling woman. A hand suddenly gripped their shoulder tightly, fingernails digging into their skin. “What are you doing?”   
“You will help us,” the woman’s voice was firm; no longer stuttering, no longer frightened. It was cold, calculating and determined. She tightened her grip.   
“I cant!” the stranger shouted desperately. “I’m sorry!” Their eyes were beginning to water from the pain in her shoulder.   
“You will help us,” the woman said again. Her face deadpan. “You will help us,” she repeated over and over again. “You will help us. You will help us. You will help us.” The stranger looked over her shoulder, others were climbing out of their beds now. They were all heading towards her. All repeating the same phrase:  
“You will help us. You will help us...” The light gave one last hopeless flicker and then died out completely. Total darkness engulfed them. 

***

“You died,” Jac said again. “I remember, I went to your funeral!” Her father gave her a small smile.   
“I know,” he said reminiscently. “It was a lovely service.”   
“So...you are...I mean you did...” Jac’s voice trailed off as she stared at the frail figure of her father.   
“Yes, I died,” he said with a kindly twinkle in his greyish green eyes. Jac edged closer to him at last. She reached out a pale hand and touched him lightly on his face.  
“But you’re here...I mean you’re really here. I can touch you,” she said quietly.   
“I’m not here. You’re not here. None of us are here,” he told her with warmth in his old voice. Jac didn’t understand.  
“What do you mean?” she cried! Jac felt so scared, she had no idea what was happening and worst of all, she had no control over any of it.   
“This, all of this, it’s happening inside your mind.” Jac’s father stared at her encouragingly. “I’m here because you wanted me to be.”   
“I-” Jac started then stopped quickly as new thoughts flooded through her mind. Had she wanted him to be here? She couldn’t remember the last time she had thought about her father; she usually kept him buried to the back of her mind. The memory of his passing too upsetting to dwell on. Then she remembered the photo she had seen on Grace’s seat. Perhaps it had been that, just that, that had reawakened those dormant thoughts.   
“It’s okay Jac,” her father said, placing an affectionate arm around her shoulder. “Come, we must walk.” Jac didn’t resist, she felt strangely reassured by him. They began to walk, taking care over the slippery ice.   
“I’m sorry,” Jac said as they strode across the lake. Her father looked at her with an enquiring expression in his eyes.   
“Whatever for?”   
“For everything. For how I acted when...when you...”  
“It’s fine. You were scared, we were all scared.” Jac gave him a sad gaze.   
“I missed you,” she said quietly. The initial frostiness between them had now completely thawed away and both father and daughter walked together comfortable in the other’s presence.   
“So did I,” her father said. “You were always in my thoughts.” He stopped suddenly in his tracks, tapping his cane on the ice.   
“Why have we stopped?” Jac asked, staring in surprise at her father.  
“We need to talk,” he said with a commanding but still pleasantly gentile voice.   
“I thought we already were,” Jac said.   
“About you.” Jac looked first at him, then at her shoes. She had been afraid of this. 

***

All the stranger could see were rows and rows of glowing eyes staring piercingly at them. They had stopped advancing but the stranger daren’t move away. The woman that had gripped her shoulder now stood back from her, unmoving, silent as a ghost. Her breath came out in wisps of smoke, creepily staring. They started to move towards her, ever slowly as if zombies. The stranger held a wizened hand out, trying to tell them to stop. They ignored her. She started to back away as the leader of the pack, the young woman, came ever closer. She could feel her breath on her neck, could smell the rotting odour of dead flesh and stale clothes and as the woman drew ever closer, the stranger could sense the desperation of her.   
“You will help us,” the dreaded voices came through again, the echoes bouncing off the cold metal walls. “You will help us.” It was no use pleading with them, they didn’t understand or perhaps it was that they couldn’t understand. Clank! The stranger, still facing the advancing crowd, looked behind in astonishment. Clank! Something was moving at the bottom of the room...Clank! The stranger’s heart felt heavy, whatever it was, it surely wasn’t going to be good. Clank! There was something moving towards her...towards them. It wasn’t like the others, it moved steadily and gracefully. As it drew closer, the stranger saw that the clanking noises it made were simply the sound of metal soles on a metal floor. The man’s face, for it was a man, was obscured by a dark hood; he wore a cloak tied at the chest with a tight knot. He towered over the rest of them but there was only benevolence in his blue eyes.  
“You should not be waking,” he called out to the dark in a deep, booming voice. The stranger eyed him curiously for she had no clear recollection of his presence here before. “Go, go to sleep and do not disturb.” The man raised his gloved hands but the crowd remained exactly where they were. “SLEEP!” The man cried with gusto but they did not move. They tilted their heads and watched him intently. “YOU MUST SLEEP!” The man’s voice became clearer now; it penetrated the air like a knife.   
“We will not sleep,” came a chilling reply. The voice had come from right at the back of the unmoving crowd. The man stared in the direction of it piercingly, his bright blue eyes shining through the dark. “We cannot sleep,” the chilling voice continued.   
“You must!” The man was getting desperate now. He looked down at the stranger. The crowd began to advance, free from his gaze. “Run,” he said firmly. The stranger did not need telling twice. She began to run as fast as she could, blind in the dark as she headed for the exit. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she felt sick to the stomach but she knew she couldn’t stop until she was far away from there.  
The man resumed his gaze upon the crowd but he was too late. His screams filled the musty air as they pounced upon him like predators. The owner of the chilling voice leapt at his face, gouging at his eyes with sharp bloodstained fingernails. As blood poured out of his eye sockets and ran down his face like a red waterfall, the man staggered backwards limply. He attempted to beat his attackers off him with a feeble wave of his arm but next second he cried out in agony as another member of the bloodthirsty crowd leapt upon him pulling at his arm. The man tried to fight back but it was no use, he felt an immense searing pain just above his shoulder and with terror he realised his arm was being torn from its very socket. He made another attempt to get away from them but slipped in the puddle of his own wet blood and fell crashing to the floor where the crowd descended on him like a pack of starving vultures.   
The stranger heard his screams, but there was nothing she could do. She sprinted out of the metal warehouse and towards a pink Rolls Royce that lay parked just ahead. Her chest was heaving up and down as her pace quickened.

***

Jac’s father held her hand tightly but warmly. He was staring at her with pride brimming in his ancient eyes.   
“How did you come to this eh Jac?” He said gently. Jac looked at him nervously. She felt ashamed as her father’s pride pierced her.   
“I don’t know what you see in me,” she said in a hollow voice full of contempt for herself.   
“I’m your father. I see you as you are,” her father said squeezing her hand kindly.   
“I am a horrible person!” Jac shouted unable to keep it inside herself any longer. She broke away from her father’s warm grip. “I bully, I oppress, I take out my problems on everyone else!”  
“You’re only human,” her father told her sternly.   
“Am I?” Jac questioned. “I’m not sure of that.” Her eyes were flashing with emotion as everything she had kept hidden deep inside her came pouring out to the one person she knew wouldn’t judge her. But this made her feel worse. She wanted him to be angry, for his pride to disappear and to tell her she was just a stupid little girl. “I’m a coward!” Jac finished with a heavy breath.   
“You are anything but a coward,” her father told her. He stared at her, his eyes giving her a look that only a father can give their daughter.   
“Then why do I run at the first sign of trouble?” Jac demanded desperately.   
“Because you’re scared,” he said. “It’s not a sign of cowardice Jac...you’re just terrified.”   
“But I don’t want to be scared any longer!” Jac shrieked. “I hate feeling like everybody’s judging me, waiting for me to mess up and ruin my life!” She was making expressive gestures with her hands as she spoke. “And do you know what the sad fact is?” she said, her face apoplectic with the pent-up rage inside her heart. “Do you know what the one sad fact of my miserable, pathetic life is?” Her chest heaved as she tried to regain control of her spilling emotions. She glared into the night as her ragged breathing started to calm. Turning back to face her father, she said: “I’ve already ruined my life. Everything I had, that was ever good, I chewed up and spat right out.” Her eyes were watering. “I threw everything away. I always do.”   
All through her rant, her father had watched her, not moving, never saying a word. He just listened, as a father should, taking in everything she said. He didn’t miss a thing but as his daughter spoke he could feel a sharp twinge of regret in his heart. He had died when Jac was very young and as his eyes took in the beautiful shape of his grown-up daughter, he felt nothing but regret for missing the best years.   
“I am so sorry,” he told her. Jac didn’t need to see his expression to realise how heartfelt he meant this.   
“You have nothing to be sorry for dad,” Jac said in a much calmer voice.   
“I should have been there for you,” he said sorrowfully.   
“You didn’t ask to get cancer,” Jac replied her lips quivering at the memory of her father’s painful demise. It had been a horrifyingly long and drawn out death; Jac remembered all too well how she had watched her father literally waste away in front of her.   
“I should have tried harder to fight it,” her father said sadly. He felt ashamed at how much he had lost.   
“If there’s one thing I do know,” Jac said, her eyes full of determination. “It’s that you fought your hardest for all of us...for me.”   
“I’m just so sorry, I wasn’t there for you...”   
“At least you didn’t see what a hash I made of my life,” Jac said, looking at the floor.   
“You haven’t. Look at what you’ve become, a cardiothoracic consultant! I am so proud of you Jac, and I always will be.” Jac attempted a faint smile. “We all have our battles in life. I lost mine,” he began, “don’t lose yours.”   
“I’m afraid I already have,” Jac said in a quaking voice.   
“Not until you draw your last breath will that be true,” her father said looking directly at her. “You’re my daughter and I believe in you.” Jac’s insides were full of butterflies, flapping around like overexcited children, never settling down.   
“Then what do I do?” She sounded desperate as she looked to her father to give her the answers he had been unable to give in life.   
“I can’t give you all the answers, I wish I could, but I can only guide you.” He appeared crestfallen at his own inability to give his daughter everything she needed. “You have to find the answers within yourself.”  
“All I can see is darkness. There is no hope left.”   
“There is always hope Jac. Never give up on hope for when the world seems its darkest, hope is often all we have and all we need to lead us into the light.”   
“But all I see is everyone being better off without me,” Jac said with a tragic sigh.   
“Look deep inside yourself,” her father instructed. “Look past the hurt and stare into your very soul, only then will you see the answers you seek.” Jac embraced her father. “What’s that for eh?” He asked, smiling.   
“Nothing,” Jac said. “I just had to do it.” Their happiness was to be short-lived, however. As they hugged the terrible sound filled the air. It was as if something was being torn apart and as they stared in horror at the ice around them, they saw that it was cracking. Jac clung onto her father tightly, her mind full of terror.   
“Don’t let go Jac, whatever you do, do not let go!” Her father was holding her tightly to his chest, trying his best to protect her. The crack in the ice was growing deeper and deeper with every passing moment. Jac’s heart was thumping. Boom boom. Boom boom. Boom boom. With a sickeningly loud crunch, the ice directly beneath them shattered, plunging them both in to the freezing depths of the lake...

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. PART EIGHT

PART EIGHT

 

There is nothing quite like falling through ice into the depths of a cold, dark and merciless lake. Nothing can prepare you for it; for the hideous pain that’s about to hit you. The water washes over your body like a thousand sharpened knives stabbing you, it takes hold of your soul and slowly begins to crush it as you’re pulled further and further down. At first you can see the light above the surface but as you drift downwards that light gets dimmer and dimmer until...there’s nothing left but darkness.   
Freezing water isn’t the same as other waters; it saps your energy. You find yourself becoming increasingly tired and weaker, and then before you realise it, it’s too late. Far too late; but even if by some miracle you escape the clutches of that icy water and manage to reach the surface, it still has one more weapon with which it hopes to take your life.   
So many escape the water and in that moment of elation, life takes a sudden plummet as that final weapon is unleashed upon them. You may have escaped the water but you couldn’t escape the cruel and unrelenting cold, and as you lie there on the ice, your body devoid of life and warmth, the water remains calm, ever watching, waiting for its next victim. 

 

***

Jac’s eyes were fastened shut as she sank deeper and deeper into the depths of the lake. She attempted to open them but the sheer pressure of that murderous water kept them closed. Jac opened her mouth to scream, but only bubbles floated out. She couldn’t feel her father’s grip anymore; Jac’s heart was pounding, beating faster than it ever had before as it desperately tried to pump blood around her body. Jac kept sinking. Down. Down. Down. It seemed endless.  
She tried to fight but her strength was leaving her as fast as a pebble drops through a wet paper bag. Jac kicked out with her feet, trying to propel herself upwards but with each movement she could feel the increasing strain on her heart. Tiredness began to overcome her, her limbs stiffened as her fears were replaced by one overriding thought. A sense that everything would soon be over and the tremendous pain gone. Jac felt her life drifting away, any second now it would all be over...she was floating ever down into the depth. Any second now she would drown, her body claimed by the current of the lake. But Jac Naylor did not drown. A hand gripped tightly under her shoulder and began to pull her up towards the brightening light.   
“Whaaaa?” Jac mumbled feebly as the water rushed above her head. Her rescuer maintained their grip and continued to pull her up, until at last their heads broke the surface of the water and Jac could breathe the magnificent night air. Shivering drastically, Jac felt something warm being draped around her shoulders.  
“Here,” said her father kindly. “Take this, it should keep you warm.” Jac opened her eyes for the first time since plunging through that water.   
“Aren’t you?”  
“Cold?” he said, finishing her question for her. “No, but then I am already dead.” He gave a small chuckle.  
“You saved me,” Jac’s voice was still weak and feeble; absent were the usual signs of confidence and sarcasm.   
“I had faith,” said her father with a look towards the starry sky. Jac frowned.  
“Surely you don’t...” She began but stopped as she saw the look in her father’s eyes.   
“I had faith in you,” he said proudly. Jac didn’t answer.  
***

Grace trembled, overcome by fear and dread of what was about to happen. She sat alone in the back of the Rolls in total pitch black, just waiting...watching...powerless. She could still see the image of those creatures as clear as day; the way they had turned...This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Grace didn’t understand, her mind was racing, fuelling ever darker thoughts. What were they? What did they want? Why were they demanding help? Grace wished she knew the answers but none came to her. There was nothing she could do; she had never come across anything like this in all her years of showing others the light.   
She tapped the front seat with a single shaking finger and to her relief the car roared into life.   
“Find Jac,” Grace croaked feebly. The Rolls began to drive away into the night leaving the terror behind them...or so they thought. Unbeknownst to Grace and her driver, a pair of great blue eyes were watching them. Calculating. They were unemotional, unblinking, just staring. As the car began to slip further out of view, the owner of the eyes moved out of the shadows, following close behind. They moved as fast as lightning strikes, always hidden but never letting the car disappear. “Take a left,” Grace indicated to the driver, her breathing still unnaturally ragged. The car took the corner smoothly and continued to drive through the night. “I should never have left,” Grace muttered to herself. “I was selfish, I know that.” She sighed greatly, her eyes glistening. “You didn’t deserve what I did to you...this-,” Grace stumbled over her words as years of suppressed emotions came flooding back to her. “This is my penance.”   
The owner of the eyes continued to follow them, never getting too close, never staying too far away. 

***

Jac could feel her strength slowly rushing back to her as she looked towards the calm figure of her father. He was leaning on his cane gently, staring out across the disturbed lake. The ice remained broken, the pieces drifting through the water, floating like the ice in a glass.   
“Rather peaceful isn’t it?” Jac’s father murmured without looking back at her.   
“I guess so,” Jac said uncertainly. She had never been one for nature, preferring the hustle and bustle of a busy urban life.   
“There’s nothing as purely wonderful as nature,” he said with a small smile. “Humanity can build as much as it wants, but we can never create anything as flawless...” His voice trailed off into nothing.   
“But without the advances we’ve made, the world would be in a much worse state,” Jac said, thinking of her duty as a surgeon. Her father turned around and stepped towards her, still leaning against his cane.   
“Would it?”   
“Yes,” Jac said determinedly.   
“I believe we all have our time, be it long or short, happy or sad. Our life is preordained and the use of medical science to outwit that set time is going against nature.”   
“So you believe you were meant to have cancer?” Jac asked incredulously. Her father nodded. “And that you were meant to die?”   
“Yes.”   
“But that’s ridiculous!” Jac shouted. “So you’re saying that everybody who has cancer, or some other debilitating disease should just give up and die? That we shouldn’t help them...”  
“That’s not what I’m saying at all,” her father attempted to explain.   
“You said the use of medical science to outwit a set time is against nature,” Jac pressed stubbornly.   
“I meant that when your time comes, your time comes.”  
“Okay then, how are we supposed to know when it’s our time?”   
“You just know.” Jac’s eyes flashed.  
“How?” Jac asked furiously!   
“I can’t explain it, I’m sorry. I just can’t.” Jac looked down at her feet.  
“You mean you won’t,” she said solemnly, breathing heavily.   
“It’s not...Jac I’m sorry,” her father said with a hint of regret in his grizzled voice.   
“Should I just give up then?” Jac pressed, she was still angry as she remembered how she had felt when her father died. “Give up, like you did?”   
“I was wondering when we’d come to that,” he said with a despairing sigh.   
“It’s true isn’t it?” Jac demanded. Every time she blinked, flashes of her childhood appeared before her. Her father leant on his cane, silently contemplating his answer. After a long while, he lifted up his head and stared straight at his daughter with unprecedented sadness in his old eyes.   
“Yes, it’s true. I did give up.” He waited for the explosion but it did not come.   
“I didn’t sleep for a week after you died,” Jac said quietly, all the anger gone from her body. “I couldn’t.”   
“I’m sorry,” her father said weakly.   
“I thought that if I slept it would make it real somehow. That I would have accepted you were gone,” Jac was staring at the floor, avoiding her father’s sorrowful gaze. 

 

***

Grace stared out of the window, searching desperately through the night for any sign of the creatures she had left behind. The owner of the blue eyes studiously kept out of sight, watching as Grace checked all around.   
“Right turn here,” Grace said softly. She shut the window and sat back uncomfortably in her seat. The driver applied the breaks in order to make the rather sharp corner. The car turned effortlessly and moments later could be seen gliding gracefully down a narrow country lane. Grace felt extremely vulnerable as she sat alone in the back of the car yet she couldn’t place why. She was perfectly safe inside the Rolls. Nothing could touch her in here. Thump!   
“What was that?” Grace said fearfully, her heart pounding. “There’s something on the roof!” The roof of the car was sagging inwards as though something huge had dented it. “THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE ROOF!” Grace screeched, the sound of her voice drowning out the sound of the roof tearing as though nothing more than paper. She tapped desperately on the driver’s seat. The car stopped. Grace tapped the seat again. “Why have we stopped?” She shrieked! There was a terrible silence as the driver turned slowly around in his seat. The sight that greeted her was not a pleasant one. Where there should have been eyes, there were only bloodied sockets and where there should have been a mouth, there was nothing. Grace was staring at the empty husk of her driver. How long he had been dead, she couldn’t say but something was clearly animating it. Something horrible and obscene. Thump. Whatever had been on the roof had now dropped into the car, behind her. Grace screamed louder than she had ever screamed before. 

 

 

***

Jac watched her father as he attempted to explain why he had given up. She couldn’t explain it but the more he spoke, the more Jac found herself understanding.   
“I made a mistake,” Jac’s father said. “I’m sorry.” He stared at Jac with genuine sorrow and regret in his heart.   
“I know,” Jac said. She took hold of her father’s gnarled hand gently. “You saved me,” Jac said, thinking back to the lake and how she had been seconds away from certain death.   
“I saved you as any father would,” he said quietly. “It’s my job to protect you from all the bad things in the world.” He gave Jac a look she had never seen him give before. It was a look of total devotion, love and understanding.   
“I forgive you.” Jac’s father gazed at her, his soul brightening.   
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he said. There was a slight haze glowing all around his body. It wasn’t moonlight, nor was it starlight; it was something mysterious, something else entirely. “Jac promise me something.”  
“What?”   
“Promise me you’ll never give up.” Jac clammed up as she stared into her father’s expectant eyes. She wanted desperately to make this promise to him but something was preventing her. “Promise me Jac.”   
“I can’t,” Jac said, holding out her hands in despair. “I can’t do it!”   
“Yes, you can,” her father assured her. “You’re stronger than anyone I have ever known!”   
“I can’t make a promise, I know I can’t keep,” Jac said with a voice full of utter helplessness.   
“I know you won’t break this one, I believe in you.” Her father was beginning to fade.  
“What’s happening?” Jac asked, horrified. She hadn’t prepared herself for this even though she had always known she would have to say goodbye again.  
“It’s my time,” he told her unflinchingly. “Jac, listen to me, you’ve got to promise me.” He was fading fast; Jac could already stare right through him. Time was running out fast.   
“I don’t want to let you down,” she told him with a feeble sigh.   
“Jac you’ve got to believe in yourself. Only you can turns things around. I believe in you, you are my daughter and I have never been more proud of you!” At these words, Jac felt a sudden wave of warmth wash over her. They were all she needed. With an aura of determination, Jac looked up at her steadily fading father and took a deep breath.  
“I promise.” Her father beamed at her, his heart and soul finally at peace. Jac blinked and he was gone. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. PART NINE

PART NINE

Jac staggered slowly through the night, the harsh wind billowing around her cheeks like a thousand sharpened knives scratching her. She couldn’t tell how much time had passed since she’d said goodbye to her father. Maybe it had been seconds, minutes, hours even...Jac kept on walking, never looking back. Her final promise ringing in her ears. Where was Grace? Jac thought anxiously. She stopped moving, her feet embedded in the soft white snow. Looking from left to right, Jac could see head nor tail of her. Where could she be? With a heavy sigh, Jac pushed her feet forwards, feeling the crunch of the snow beneath her heels. Jac shivered aggressively, wherever Grace had got to, she hoped she could find somewhere to take shelter, warm up and maybe have some food. Jac laughed to herself suddenly. Jac Naylor, thinking about food, that was a laugh, thought Jac. She gave a sharp look up at the sky; there were stars twinkling graciously, giving off an aura of safety in the otherwise dark country lane that Jac had now stumbled upon.  
“Where am I?” Jac muttered under her breath as she peered down the lane. Try as she might, Jac could only see a little way down the lane before it faded away into nothingness. She remembered her promise again, but she was still stuck here, stuck in a world she couldn’t get out of...not without Grace and Grace had vanished. Jac was alone, totally and utterly alone. There was nothing she could do. All she knew was to keep on walking; perhaps this would lead her to old life. Yet as Jac dragged her feet onwards down the lane, she felt a twinge of reluctance in the depths of her soul. Whatever her promise, parts of Jac did not feel ready to return to what she had left behind. Her mind was still fractured, never at ease. Nothing would have changed. She would just be walking back into the same old never-ceasing nightmare. But then, Jac thought, but then anything was better than the hell of this reality. “What do I do?” Jac asked herself. There was no reply, for at this moment, Jac Naylor simply did not know what to do. The path to take was hidden from her mind. Jac’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a piercing and horrifically drawn out scream. 

***

Grace sat rooted to her seat, petrified, unable to move an inch. The broken husk of the driver watched her curiously through its scratched bloody sockets, it too unmoving. Behind her, Grace could sense the ragged breathing of the unknown creature. All this time there had been no movement in the stationary car; they just watched her as though they were studying her or maybe they were waiting for her to move, whereupon they could pounce. Grace was in no hurry to find out.   
“W...what...are you?” She asked without daring to look. The creature’s voice was unlike anything Grace could ever have expected.   
“We are the fallen,” it said in a deep yet strangely ethereal voice. “We are the lost, the abandoned and the damned.”   
“I...I’m sorry?” Grace didn’t understand. What was this creature going on about and who were the ‘we’ it spoke of?   
“We are those you elected to help. Those you failed. Those you left behind,” the creature continued, his voice still light and airy.   
“W...why are you here?” Grace trembled, fearing the answer. She still couldn’t bring herself to look at the creature the voice belonged to.   
“For too long have you elected yourself the saviour of humanity. Too long have you hunted in the dark for the lost souls. We have gathered and we decreed: no more. No more will you gather with false promises. No more!” His voice did not lose its ethereal quality but Grace could pick up the underlying threads of menace in its undertones.   
“I...I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have only ever wanted to help those in need.” The creature gave a loud scathing laugh that echoed around the car.   
“You must pay.” Grace was shaking, her mind filling with terrible thoughts and fears of what this thing could possibly have in mind for her.   
“P..pay h...how?” There was a moment of silence at these words. She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as the creature, whatever it was, watched her curiously. What was it doing? Grace didn’t want to find out; she wanted desperately to get out of there, to escape and run away but something was keeping her glued to the seat. She could not move however hard she willed herself to.   
“You will be judged,” the creature said simply but effectively. Grace took a deep breath and forced herself to turn around. She prepared herself for the likely horror of what she was about to gaze into. 

***

Jac broke out into a run. Whoever had screamed so loudly and so terribly, Jac knew she had to find them. She had to help because whatever Jac may be, she was still a doctor. Jac dashed down the lane, her chest heaving and her breath becoming increasingly rugged. Jac did not stop. She couldn’t stop. She had to keep going. Jac rounded a corner with tremendous effort, she could feel the lactic acid building up in her muscles but she had to keep on pushing herself forward, following the direction of the scream. The cold biting wind was getting stronger now. It nipped at her as she ran; branches swayed in its wake and the air whistled shrilly.   
“Where are you?” Jac panted, skidding to a halt on a patch of slippery mud-covered ice. Her eyes were streaming from the wind and cold. She leant against an ice-covered granite wall, attempting to catch her breath before continuing on her search. Jac breathed deeply. “I wish you were here,” she muttered. She closed her eyes, her mind drifting away in the darkness onto thoughts of Holby, the life she had left behind, of Joseph...but then her mind moved on and fell upon a man in her life that meant far more to her than Jac dared to admit to herself. Jonny Maconie. She had known him less than a year and for the majority of their acquaintance Jac had kept him at a safe distance, never letting him get too close...or at least that was what she had intended. It had only meant to be a bit of fun...everyone needs fun after all. Yet Jac knew deep down that it had been far, far more than just a simple bit of fun. As their relationship had flourished, Jac had found herself falling for him but when it all became too much, Jac did the one thing she had always been consistently good at. She threw it away. She threw it all away without thinking or even considering the consequences it would have upon her. And now, as Jac leant against the freezing granite wall in a world without Jonny, all Jac could do was think about him.   
Jac could hear Jonny’s Scottish drawl in the back of her mind. She couldn’t help herself: her lips curled into a smile. There was more than just his voice now, Jac screwed her eyes shut tightly and now at last she could see him. They were in Holby, standing beside the nurses station on Darwin Ward. Jonny was laughing, his face contorted in a warm cheeky grin. Jac was doing her best to keep a straight face.   
“Why don’t you try doing something useful?”  
“Like what?” Jonny said with a laugh.   
“Oh I don’t know, perhaps you could do some work?” Jac retorted. Inside her icy exterior, however, Jac was silently laughing. Jonny moved away from the station, leaving Jac to stare after him. Without realising what she was doing, Jac found her eyes drifting down Jonny’s back and onto his backside. Jonny suddenly turned and looked behind him, Jac felt herself go red. Jonny winked at her. 

***

Grace gazed long and hard into the piercing yet strangely beautiful blue eyes of the creature. She could see now that it wasn’t a creature at all. It had the appearance of a young adult human with a pale face and sallow skin. Grace could feel all the better known emotions as she stared into his unblinking round eyes. She felt both safe and in danger all at once; the emotions clashed and fought in her mind.   
“Do you not remember me?” he said, his voice washing over her like a wave of cold refreshing water. Grace shook her head.  
“I’m sorry...I’m afraid I don’t.” He let out a deep sigh.   
“Perhaps this will jog your memory.” With a movement like a flash of lightning, he suddenly grabbed Grace around the face. Too shocked to do anything to stop it, Grace felt a sharp searing pain as though something was being burned into the very centre of her brain. As quickly as it had begun, the pain floated away and the man had removed his hands. “Now do you see?” Grace’s eyes filled with sorrow as she looked deep into the man that sat in front of her. As she concentrated, she could see a hollow sadness that hung behind his own eyes. He was watching her intently.   
“My son.” Grace gulped when she said those words as though they had become caught up in her throat. “I am so, so sorry Eric,” she said after another long drawn out silence. Eric, for that was his name, stared back at his mother with a hint of regret but his mind was impossible to read.   
“Apologies are worthless,” he said unblinkingly.   
“Apologies are all I have,” Grace replied.   
“Then you are worthless,” Eric said unemotionally. Grace ignored this slight, instead choosing to look back at the dead husk of her driver. Whatever had been animating him before appeared to have given up the ghost. He was bent double, lifeless and motionless.   
“Poor chap,” Grace said. Her whole attitude had changed in an instance. Gone was the scared and trembling woman who had watched the man with curious fear; in her place sat a woman who was determined not to let herself be scared. Now that she knew who the man was his terrifying anonymity was gone.  
“You will come with me,” Eric said.  
“Will I? Whatever for?” Grace replied defiantly.  
“The time has come for you to face your judgement,” Eric told her forcefully but with the tiniest hint of sadness in his ghostly voice. Grace did not move a muscle as she continued to stare at Eric, unflinching and steady as a rock. 

***

Jac opened her eyes with a start. She had waited here too long.   
“Come on Jac get your act together,” Jac mumbled under her breath. She pushed herself away from the wall and clicked her fingers. Taking a deep breath, Jac lent forwards and began to walk on. With each step her pace quickened until she had at last stepped out into a run. She couldn’t be too far away now, Jac thought as she leapt around another sharp bend in the road. Just a bit farther. She could see a light up ahead now. What was it? As Jac drew closer, the light began to take shape and at last she could see that it was a headlight, a headlight that belonged to...”Grace,” Jac said out loud. The pink Rolls Royce was parked in a clearing a little further away in front of her. There was nothing for it, she had to keep running. Grace was in danger and Jac was the only one who could help her. She was almost there. Jac could make out the shape of the car now, it was getting closer and closer; the outline of the car becoming clearer with each step she made.   
As Jac came to a sudden stop outside the car, a sense of dread was beginning to overcome her. The Rolls was deathly quiet, not a sound nor a peep came out of it. Jac breathed deeply and closing her eyes, she wrenched open the back door. No light shone in her face this time. As Jac opened her eyes gingerly, she was greeted by a hideous sight. Her eyes fell first upon the huddled, shivering, shadow of Grace, silent in the dark. Then she glanced to where the body of the driver was slumped although Jac did not recognise him. Grace was still shivering...yet it wasn’t cold inside the car. Jac’s eyes drifted away from the broken husk of the driver. She surveyed the car’s interior and at last she saw it; the fractured, bloodied body of a man lying spreadeagled across the seats. His eyes were open, fixed and glassy. “What happened here?” Jac spoke at last, her voice cutting through the uneasy silence.   
“Judgement,” replied Grace. Jac’s eyes widened in horror as the full depravity of it hit her. She looked from Grace to the unknown man’s body...

TO BE CONTINUED


	10. PART TEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jac faces a blast from the past

PART TEN

Jac continued to stare at Grace in horror, the old woman was shaking but it wasn’t the scared shake of a victim. It was as if she were itching to get out of there but not to escape. The night air was biting at their faces through the open car door like ice.   
“What do you mean?” Jac asked after a long painful silence between them. Grace fixed her with a penetrating stare before replying cryptically.  
“He came to judge and was judged in return.”   
“Did you?” Jac glanced from the blood stains on Grace’s hand to the body of the man.   
“Did I?” Grace shook her head vigorously. “I couldn’t possibly Jac, look at me.” She gave Jac a stare of the utmost innocence but Jac couldn’t help feeling slightly uneasy about the whole situation.   
“We can’t stay here,” said Jac after another awkward moment of silence between them. She offered her hand to Grace but she pushed it away.   
“I can manage thank you,” Grace said with a small smile. Jac opened her mouth to retort but then seemed to think better of it and closed it. They climbed gracefully out of the car and into the cold wet snow. Grace was staring at the spreadeagled body of the man with the slightest hint of sorrow in her eyes. “Would you mind?” Jac nodded and turned away.  
Grace sighed deeply as her gaze fixated upon the mess that lay before her. She was mumbling under her breath but Jac managed to make out a few words here and there.  
“It shouldn’t...didn’t...goodbye...” Jac wasn’t sure what to say to this and decided that it was best to keep quiet. “I’m sorry,” Grace finished and turned back towards Jac; her eyes were streaming and Jac noticed something about her for the first time in the short while she had known her. She was old, not just in age but everything about her was ancient as though she had walked the world for a thousand years or more. It was both terrifying and humbling. Jac was lost in thought; she didn’t notice as Grace made towards her and grabbed her hand. She looked all around before she spoke as though she was checking they were alone. “We have to go now,” she said urgently.   
“Where?”  
“Before they come.”  
“Before who comes?” Grace shook her head and Jac could see the fear in her eyes.   
“I can’t tell you...not here,” she trembled. “What was that?” She asked suddenly. Jac looked through a gap in the trees but she couldn’t see anything.   
“There’s nothing there...” Jac began uneasily but then she heard it too. The unmistakeable sound of footsteps on dry twigs. “Let’s get out of here.” Grace nodded and with her hand still firmly grasping Jac’s wrist they began to walk very quickly away from the clearing. 

***

The stalkers watched them from afar. There were three of them, hooded in dark red cloaks, each with a ghostly ethereal quality about them. They took care to make the most minimal of sounds; they must not be seen, not yet. The twigs crunched under their feet as they walked slowly through the forest towards the clearing. They waited for Jac and Grace to move away; that was not their task.   
“Wait,” said their leader holding up a gloved hand. His voice was strange, it was both gnarled yet relaxing, a contradiction that should not be possible.   
“They’re leaving,” replied a second voice, this one belonging to a woman. Like the first voice hers was both harsh and soft.   
“What if they come this way?” said the third voice. It was clear from his tone that he was the most junior of the trio.   
“Relax Drake,” said the first voice in what he clearly intended to be a soothing and understanding tone but which came out altogether different.   
“We mustn’t be seen,” the one called Drake said softly. “It’s vital to our mission.”   
“They’re moving towards the road Alex,” the first voice murmured to the woman. Alex looked over to where the first voice had been pointing and nodded curtly.   
“We need to get going Luke,” Alex told him firmly. They looked at each other and began to walk slowly towards the abandoned car, their cloaks trailing across the filthy ground. 

***

Jac sat on a bench beside a sign that read Holby City - Wyvern Wing, she looked confused.   
“How did we...?” She turned to ask Grace but the old woman was gone. There was something very weird going on in this pseudo-world, Jac thought, but what could she do about it. She looked around, the sun was shining brightly as the men and women who worked at the hospital busied themselves with their jobs.   
“Are you waiting for someone?” A kindly voice asked Jac as she stared into space in a slight daze. Jac regained her focus to look up into the twinkly eyes of Elliot Hope.   
“No, I’m just...don’t you know me?”   
“Know you?” Elliot said with a dry laugh. “I’ve never seen you before in my life.”   
“We work together,” Jac attempted to explain.   
“Do we?” Elliot said, his eyebrows raised, a nonplussed expression etched across his face.   
“It’s Jac...Jac Naylor,” Jac said desperately.   
“I’m telling you I’ve never seen you before,” Elliot told her firmly.   
“I’m a consultant on Darwin ward,” Jac was trying as hard as she could to convince him, she didn’t know why but she knew she had to.   
“The only consultants on Darwin are myself and Sahira Shah.” The hairs on the back of Jac’s neck prickled at the mention of this name.   
“Listen to me!” Jac’s voice was becoming shrill. “You do know me! We’ve worked together for seven years!”   
“I’ve only worked at this hospital for six years,” Elliot retorted. “I don’t know you, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He was beginning to look a little annoyed by all this.   
“Please you have to listen to me Elliot-” Jac began:  
“How do you know my name?” Elliot demanded.  
“I know it because I know you!” Jac cried out, “You are Professor Elliot Hope OBE.”   
“You’ve got me confused with someone else, I’m not a professor, I’m sorry for wasting your time,” Elliot said and turned to leave. Jac knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere like this.   
“Please, I need your help.” Elliot stopped in his tracks and looked back at Jac curiously. He couldn’t help noticing how fragile she looked.   
“What’s the matter?” Elliot asked softly.

***

“He’s here,” said Luke as they stared inside the car. Their gaze fell upon the body of Eric.   
“What did she do to you?” Alex said indignantly. “Look at him!” Luke gave Drake a knowing look behind her. With a sly nod, they both took hold of Alex and began to drag her away from the car. At first she protested, dragging her heels and waving her arms.   
“You have to keep calm!” Luke told her determinedly. “We know what she did and I promise you she won’t get away with it, not on our watch.” They let go of her.   
“I told him not to go,” Alex said wiping away a tear from underneath her hood.   
“We all did,” said Drake putting his arm around her shoulder.   
“He knew what he was doing,” Luke said with a heavy sigh. “There was always a chance this could happen.” Alex rounded on him.  
“Then why did they let him go?”   
“It was his decision.”   
“There will be a time to grieve later,” Drake told her. “Now we say goodbye.” The three of them stood in silence watching the car. One by one they bowed their heads and began to mutter unintelligible words in deep low voices. Flames erupted around the car, bright green flames that sparkled and hissed as they licked at the crooked body of Eric. Soon the flames had become so tall that Eric was completely obscured from sight.   
“It is done,” Alex murmured.   
“Now what?” Luke asked her.   
“Revenge.” 

***

“I don’t know what to do,” Jac said as Elliot led her up to Darwin ward.   
“I’m sure everything will be okay, who is it you’re visiting?” Elliot asked.   
“Just a friend,” Jac said quickly.   
“What’s their name?”   
“Grace...I don’t know her surname,” Jac said awkwardly. She knew how unhelpful she must sound but considering she had no idea whether Grace was going to even be here, she figured it hardly mattered. Elliot’s eyes narrowed as he tried to recall the names of patients on the ward today.   
“I don’t think we’ve got a Grace on Darwin today,” he said with a look that said he was sorry he couldn’t be of more help. Jac didn’t answer him, her eyes had caught the sight of a patient being wheeled hurriedly into the room they were standing outside, a very small patient, no bigger than the size of an average young baby. Jac felt a sudden twinge of emotion as her gaze fell upon the name of the baby written on the side, Freya. “Jac are you okay?” Elliot asked concernedly, noticing her frozen stare as Sahira Shah, Greg Douglas and Oliver Valentine attempted to resuscitate Freya.   
“That baby,” Jac said very quietly in almost no more than a whisper. “What happened?” Elliot looked at her sadly.   
“Freya, she was abandoned by her mother,” Elliot said with a helpless shrug of his shoulders.   
“They will save her won’t they?” Jac asked as she saw Sahira make another attempt to resuscitate her. Freya wasn’t responding and time was very quickly running out.   
“They’ll do the best they can,” Elliot tried to reassure her.   
“She needs the best,” Jac told him.   
“They are the best,” Elliot replied. Freya was still unresponsive and Elliot was beginning to feel uneasy. “Would you mind waiting, I need to see what’s going on,” he said to Jac and without waiting for a response, Elliot pushed open the door and slipped inside, leaving Jac alone with her thoughts. 

***

“How long as it been?” Elliot enquired urgently. He glanced from Freya to Sahira who looked near to defeat.   
“Almost forty-five minutes, still no output from her,” Sahira said in a rush as she motioned for Greg to begin the cycle again. Jac stared through the window at them, watching in horror as yet another cycle failed to make any difference to the motionless Freya.   
“Maybe we should stop,” Greg said in his Irish drawl.   
“No!” Jac shouted at the glass, realising what Greg had said. “You’ve got to keep trying!”   
“Who is that?” Oliver said, looking at Jac’s distressed face with bewilderment.   
“No idea,” Elliot lied as he closed the curtains blocking Jac’s view.   
“This isn’t working!” Sahira cried out hopelessly. “It’s futile!”   
“Are we all in agreement?” Elliot asked forlornly. The door swung open behind them and Jac stood despairingly in the silhouette of the frame. Greg, Oliver and Sahira nodded, an air of defeat hanging around the room.   
“No!” Jac shrieked, running towards Oliver and shoving him out the way.   
“Who are you?” Sahira demanded of her but Jac ignored her as she began to massage Freya’s chest gently.   
“Come on Freya! You can do it, please, come on!” Oliver put his arm around Jac’s shoulder and gently moved her away, holding on to her as Jac tried to break away from him.  
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing more you can do,” he told her soothingly. “It’s over.”  
“Time of death, fourteen fifty-three,” Elliot said looking at his watch. “Thank you everyone.” Oliver let go of Jac who sank to her knees in a hollow anguish. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared with blurry vision at the body of yet another person she had failed to save because of her own selfish choices.   
“This is wrong. This is so wrong,” Jac managed to say in between floods of tears. “This never...this wasn’t meant to happen.”   
“You can’t know what’s going to happen,” Elliot whispered gently. “That’s the beauty of life, you never know what you’re going to get.” Jac was rocking side to side as Elliot helped her to her feet. All around them the hospital staff were carrying on with their professional lives, they seemed to float around Jac barely noticing she was there as though she was a ghost. Jac looked lost; her heart felt both heavy and empty as Elliot’s words echoed inside her head.   
“This has to end,” Jac said firmly, looking down at Freya’s body as she was wheeled away. 

TO BE CONTINUED


	11. PART ELEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm is coming...

PART ELEVEN

“The time has come, the end is upon us, on the setting of the sun, the woman must die.” Luke gazed mournfully out across the swirling blue ocean that lay before his eyes. Beside him, Alex and Drake were standing in total silence, their heads bowed low, hooded and obscured by Luke’s shadow.   
“How are we going to do that?” Alex’s voice murmured carefully from under her hood.   
“Leave it to fate,” Luke replied cryptically. Alex started to speak again but Luke held up a gloved hand to silence her. “Too long has her reign of terror shrouded this world in darkness. Too long has she snatched us from our lives and left us here to fester alone. We are the Brethren, the lost, the dispossessed and the abandoned. We are those who will rise against her tyranny. We are those who will end it!” Luke raised both hands into the air and began to clap slowly. Alex and Drake began to join in cautiously until the combined clap became louder and faster, echoing amongst the sand and the deep blue sky. 

***

Jac Naylor woke up with a start. She felt groggy. As she opened her eyes the outline of the room came swimming into her view.   
“Where am I?” Jac murmured croakily.   
“You fell asleep on the sofa,” said a warm voice. Jac’s vision was still blurry as she tried to make out who it was who had spoken.   
“Elliot?” She said blearily as the silhouette of Elliot Hope materialised in front of her.   
“How are you feeling?” Elliot said in a voice of genuine concern.   
“What happened?” Jac said suddenly.   
“You had a bit of a funny turn,” Elliot said, studying her carefully with his aged eyes.   
“I don’t remember...” Jac began, then stopped as the thoughts swam through her mind. “I was watching them take Freya away and then...I don’t remember anything else.” She looked up at Elliot, her eyes wide and fearful.   
“You don’t remember what happened?” Elliot asked, his eyebrows raising quizzically. “You have no recollection of anything at all?”   
“None,” Jac said. “Elliot, what happened, tell me?” Jac said, the fear in her rising. Crack!   
“There’s a storm coming,” Elliot said quietly as the flash of orange lightning lit up the room. Jac swept the ginger curls out of her face and shot a reproachful look at him. “Right, yes, sorry,” Elliot blustered. “You were with Freya as...well you know what happened there...” Elliot sighed sorrowfully. “Anyway, Freya was gone and then you started...well I don’t know what you were saying, it sounded like Latin but I couldn’t make it out...” Jac screwed her eyes tightly shut as Elliot’s voice drifted away into the background. 

 

***

Grace felt alone. Everything around her was collapsing slowly and terribly; her entire life’s work destroyed. Silver tears dropped from her eyes as she watched the hooded figures tearing up her files and paperwork. She could hear the soothing pitter patter of raindrops falling against her window but as she turned to gaze out at it, the rain began to fall heavier and heavier, slamming against the window with tremendous force that shook the fragile glass. The sky turned black with swirling dark clouds enveloping the sun in their rain filled clutches. Crack! A flash of lightning shot across the sky, illuminating the room for a second.   
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,” Grace counted slowly in a low whisper. When she reached ten, the lightning was followed by a dull rumble of thunder. She turned back to face the three hooded figures in front of her, busying themselves with destroying her life.   
“Where is it?” The one named Luke demanded, lifting her off the ground with his fist around her throat.   
“Where’s what? Who are you?” Grace said weakly, feigning confusion.   
“We are the Brethren,” said Drake.  
“You know bloody well what,” said Alex with a sneer of disgust in Grace’s direction. “Her contract!” Alex continued when Grace did not reply. Luke’s fingers began to tighten, constricting her windpipe.   
“What contract?” Grace wheezed with effort.   
“The woman,” Drake said as he turned around slowly. “Luke let her go,” he added as Grace’s face began to turn purple. Luke opened his fist and Grace dropped to the floor with a soft thump. She gasped for breath desperately. Crack! Another flash of forked lightning shot suddenly across the sky.   
“One, two, three, four, five, six...” The rumble of thunder followed, louder than before.   
“There’s a storm coming,” said Alex maliciously, glaring at Grace.   
“It’s getting closer,” Grace replied feebly without looking at her.   
“It’s coming for you old woman,” Luke told her. Grace shook her head slowly. With a great effort she lifted herself onto her feet and stared directly into Luke’s hidden eyes.   
“No, it’s coming for all of us.” Her lips curled into a twisted smile as she felt a piece of paper in her pocket. 

***

Jac opened her eyes. She was in that room again. Freya’s body had just been wheeled away and tears were dropping silently from Jac’s red and blotchy eyes. Her right arm twitched suddenly. Jac stopped crying at once to stare at herself in a scared silence. Her left leg twitched, then her right arm again, then the left arm and so forth until her whole body was twitching like a glitch in a computer game. Her eyes were clouding over leaving Jac totally unaware of the incredulous faces staring at her in a shocked silence. She opened her mouth to speak but it wasn’t her voice that came floating out. It didn’t even sound human. It was scarred and twisted, full of malice and hatred, deep but still clearly feminine; the most unpleasant sounding voice she had ever heard.   
“Fateor vobis. Meus es tu. Perdam ab interiore vita est. Eos venire. Memento mori. Procella est adventum! Memento mori! Procella est adventum!*...”   
***

Jac was back in Elliot’s office again, the memory flooding back to her. Her legs were trembling and her lips quivered silently.   
“I remember,” she said with a shudder.   
“Do you have any idea what happened to you?” Elliot asked.   
“None,” Jac lied. Elliot gave her a look that half said he didn’t quite believe her. Jac was used to the real Elliot giving her those looks and had long since learnt how to repel them. “I have to go,” Jac said quickly, leaping to her feet.   
“But you haven’t...” Elliot began but it was too late. Jac wrenched open the door and sprinted down the corridor and out of sight. 

Jac ran chaotically down the stairs, three steps at a time. Thoughts were swirling around her head more than ever before. Thoughts of realisation and horror. The Latin words kept coming back to her; she mulled them over, wondering what they meant. She jumped the last few steps and careered dangerously through the double doors and out into the torrential rain. Yet Jac did not care. The rain didn’t matter. There were more important matters to consider.   
She needed a motorbike. Jac blinked incredulously. There was a motorbike sitting in front of her. Dark red and gleaming under the rain, a matching helmet perched on the seat. Jac picked up the helmet gingerly; a pair of leather gloves and keys fell out onto the seat. What the? Jac thought to herself, frowning. She pulled the gloves over her damp pale hands and lifted the helmet over her head. The visor was up. Jac placed the keys in the ignition and to her delight, with a twist, the motorbike engine roared to life. Revving, Jac placed the visor down and moments later she was soaring across the car park and away from the hospital. 

***

Crack! Crack! Two flashes of yellowish lightning lit the room in quick succession. Grace smirked. The thunder followed four-seconds later. The storm was approaching nearer and nearer. Grace’s smirk widened as she watched the silvery grey hail slam against the window.   
“We’ve searched everywhere Luke, the contract isn’t here,” Drake was telling Luke in a voice of unmistakeable frustration. Luke slammed his fist against the desk.   
“Damn her!” Grace felt the slip of paper in her pocket again, curling it around her long fingers. “Damn her to hell!” Crack! Crack! Crack! The storm was almost upon them and their time was running out. Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! “Tonight is our last chance! If we don’t get that contract, we can’t stop her!” Grace watched the sense of panic growing between the Brethren. She lifted the folded paper out of her pocket and held it up to the light.   
“Looking for something?” She said with an evil grin etched across her wrinkled face. Alex turned to face her.   
“Give that to me,” she demanded. Grace let out a high-pitched cackle of laughter.   
“You know, I don’t think I will.”   
“GIVE IT TO ME!” Luke bellowed, his hands shaking with rage. He snatched at the paper but Grace was too quick for him. He clicked his fingers at Alex and Drake. “Get that bloody contract now!” They nodded and made a leap for the paper in Grace’s hand. Again Grace was able to dodge lightly out of the way of their snatching fingers.   
“Oh deary me, we are slow today aren’t we?” Grace mocked them in a singsong voice. Alex made another snatching movement but Grace grabbed her wrist and threw her backwards onto the floor. “I should have let you all burn!” Grace’s voice was suddenly harsh and malevolent. “The Brethren.” She scoffed. “You are pathetic!” She spat contemptibly at the floor. “You would be nothing without me. Memento mori Brethren. Remember you will die!”   
Crack! The flash of lightning blinded the Brethren in piercing white light. A shrieking scream echoed through the air. Moments later the light faded away. Grace was standing alone, the contract still clutched in her hands. Something was different. Something had changed. Dark red blood was seeping between her fingers. It dripped to the floor with a sickening splash. Three bodies were slumped across the floor. Unmoving, totally still. Lifeless. 

***

Jac was speeding along the road on the motorbike. The rain and hail was bouncing forcefully off her visor, obscuring her vision but Jac knew where she was going. She swung around a sharp corner, the back wheel skidding over the soaked tarmac but Jac kept her balance on the bike and kept going. A cold voice began to fill her mind.  
“Fateor vobis. Meus es tu. Perdam ab interiore vita est. Eos venire. Memento mori. Procella est adventum! Memento mori! Procella est adventum!” Those peculiar words again. What did they mean? Jac asked herself.   
She accelerated dangerously, pushing the bike beyond its limits. The sky was awash with lightning; it flashed brightly every few seconds with louder crackles each time. The storm had arrived. A figure stepped out of the darkness into the middle of the road. Jac slammed on the brakes causing the bike to come to a shuddering stop, skidding slightly. Jac slid off the bike, removing the helmet as she did so. The figure was bent double, Jac could see the familiar wisp of grey hairs sticking out from under their hood. Jac felt warm relief at the sight of her but as she approached the old woman, the hairs on the back of her neck prickled warningly. The continuous lightning sparkled over them closely followed by the titanic roar of the thunder. It was almost deafening; Jac’s ears were ringing. She shivered in the constant downpour; her hair was sodden and stuck to her face.  
“Jac...Jac is that you?” Grace said in a frightened whisper. As Jac drew closer, she saw that Grace’s hands were covered in dried blood. Jac’s heart skipped a beat.   
“It’s me,” she said breathlessly.   
“That’s good,” Grace whispered but as she said it, Jac didn’t feel good at all. Grace seemed different. Almost inhuman. Jac couldn’t place it but she knew that something about her was very, very wrong. Before Jac could get a finger on it, Grace raised her blood-soaked hands up to the sky, letting the thick rain wash over them. As she saw the rainwater wash away the blood, a horrible realisation struck Jac. There were no cuts on her hand. It wasn’t her blood. Jac took a step back. Grace lowered her hood and smiled at her coldly. Jac was frozen to the spot; she tried to get away but a mysterious force bound her there. Grace fixed her with a penetrating stare. She opened her mouth to speak and in that moment, Jac Naylor finally realised who’s voice it had been inside her head.   
“I own you. You are mine. I will destroy your life from the inside out. They are coming. Remember you will die. The storm is coming. Remember you will die. The storm is coming...The storm has come.” 

TO BE CONCLUDED


	12. PART TWELVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown has arrived, can Jac get home?

PART TWELVE

“You?” Jac’s eyes widened in horror as Grace began to transform in front of her, still unable to move. She couldn’t even feel the constant torrential downpour splashing viciously off her high cheekbones any more; the thunder rumbled continuously as the forked lightning flashed ferociously overhead. The old woman began to stand up to her full height, straightening her back until her spine clicked into place. With a harsh swish of her neck, the hood fell down around her shoulders, revealing her wizened and aged face. Jac was startled by the severe change in the woman; gone were the friendly and twinkly eyes, replaced by black staring pupils full of malice; gone too was the cheery smile with which Grace had made Jac feel comforted in her plight. This was not the woman Jac had known over the last few months in this hellish world.   
“Me,” Grace said simply, wringing her hands through her hair and sending raindrops pelting on to the tarmac. Jac stared at her incredulously.   
“What’s going on...?” She stammered hopelessly. “Why?” Grace fixed her with a stare that was halfway between contempt and sympathy. When she opened her mouth it seemed she had chosen to go for sympathy.   
“Oh Jacqueline. Little Jackie. You still don’t know who...or should I say what, I am, do you?” She smiled, her lips curling upwards but giving out no warmth or comfort. Jac trembled, her lips quivering and her knees knocking together in fear.   
“Who are you?” She managed to ask at last, staring through the tears brimming in her eyes. Grace cackled, a high-pitched ghastly laugh.   
“Elliot Hope,” She said after a long pause. Jac’s expression was one of complete confusion.   
“What?” She blurted out.   
“You’re not the only person to experience this world,” Grace continued with a wicked wink at Jac. When Jac still looked bewildered, Grace gave a patient sigh as though she were a parent explaining something very simple to their child. “Elliot Hope came here, a long time ago, he met with an angel, an angel named George. That’s where the similarity ends I’m afraid,” Grace began to cackle again; the hairs on Jac’s neck prickling viciously.   
“Similarity?”   
“George was an angel. I’m more the opposite side of the spectrum. You could say, I’m a little devil.” She winked again.   
“Why are you telling me this?” Jac asked slowly. Her heart was thumping harder and harder as if any second it would leap out of her chest.   
“Because you’re not going to run.” 

***

“How did it come to this? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be...” Three hooded figures lay spreadeagled across a blood-soaked floor. Dark red blood seeped from open wounds in their bodies but miraculously they were still alive. But only just. It had all happened so fast, none of them could have stopped it...stopped her. The largest of the figure opened his eyes suddenly. He blinked painfully, adjusting himself to his surroundings. His head was pounding where he had been struck. Luke, for it was he, climbed unsteadily to his feet. Drake’s eyes snapped open suddenly and with rasping breaths his arm snatched at Luke’s ankle, sending him toppling to the floor, smearing his face in the blood.   
“You will not go!” Drake spluttered, coughing up droplets of blood. “You will not leave us!” Luke shuddered. It wasn’t Drake speaking. That woman was talking through him, using his voice for her own evil purposes.   
“Let go!” Luke shouted as he attempted to wrench his ankle out of Drake’s firm grip. He gave an almighty shake and his leg came free, the shock sending Drake tumbling backwards.   
“You’re not go-” Clank! Drake stopped speaking mid-sentence. Luke watched as a trickle of blood poured down his forehead. Next second his eyes glazed over and he collapsed with a sickening thud on to his face. He was dead. 

***

“What’s going to happen to me?” Jac asked delicately. Grace stopped pacing around her and stared. “You can’t keep me like this forever,” Jac added hopefully, although deep down she knew it was fading. Grace chuckled maliciously.   
“Storms are such pretty things, don’t you think?” She said with a bony finger pointing at the turbulent sky. “Full of majesty and beauty. It makes you glad to be alive.” She paused to take a deep gulp of rain-filled air. “I’m not alive Jackie.” Her lips curled into a wicked smile. “Do you wish to know the story?” Jac nodded meekly. “I was once like you. Human, happy, contented...alive. Oh I had my problems in life, quite a great many of them if I’m honest...” Grace paused again, lost in her thoughts. Jac took a moment to gaze up at the sky, bewitched by the ongoing raging tempest. “Well, the point is, I died...”  
“And woke up here?” Jac asked, smirking at the ridiculousness of it.   
“In a way yes.”   
“If you say so.” Grace glared at her but Jac stood her ground defiantly. “What am I doing here then? I didn’t die.”   
“No, true...” Grace said slowly, appearing to mull it over in her mind. “But you did wish to never have been born...” It was her turn to smirk now. “And in doing so you became mine.”   
“This has to be some kind of weird joke. This is just too stupid to comprehend!”   
“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Grace murmured, her face pressed up so close to Jac’s that she could practically taste the old woman’s breath. “Humans always like to seek the comfort of what they understand rather than face what they don’t.”   
“I just like to know the facts before I make assumptions.”   
“You wanted to know what’s going to happen to you,” Grace said, ignoring Jac.   
“Yes,” Jac replied uneasily.   
“I’m going to destroy you Jac Naylor. Your life is mine. To do with as I please.”  
“But why?”  
“Why? Because I can. Because I have to. Because my time is running out. I have to clean up my work.” Jac stared at her in mild fascination. However evil this woman was, there was something about her that commanded attention. She had a strange kind of magnetism that Jac found difficult to look away from. 

***

Luke stared at Alex openmouthed. She was still holding the paperweight in her shaking hands.   
“Is he?” She trembled.   
“Yes.”   
“Oh shit, oh shit.” Alex was rocking back and forth on the spot now, breathing heavily and ragged. “Oh fuck!” Luke moved towards her and put his arm around her shoulder comfortingly. “What are we gonna do?” Alex said, fighting through falling tears.   
“We have to find Grace. We have to end this,” Luke said, his hands on Alex’s face, hidden beneath her hood.   
“I thought he was gonna kill you!”   
“I know. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”   
“I hope so,” Alex said slowly.   
“It will be. But we have to go now!” Alex said nothing; she was still terrified. “Come on.” Alex didn’t move. She was staring at the sprawled out body of Drake, his blood soaking into the floor.   
“We can’t just leave him here,” she said with a pained expression. “He was one of us.” She looked up at Luke imploringly. Luke nodded.  
“Let’s give him a proper send off,” he said taking Alex by the hand and squeezing it gently.   
“The old way?”   
“The old way,” Luke agreed solemnly. “It’s what he deserves.” 

***

A shadow streaked out across the street. One shadow became two and two became three and three became four and so forth until there were no less than a hundred shadows covering the dull grey tarmac. They encircled Jac like a nest of vultures scavenging their prey. Grace was whooping with delight as more and more shadows erupted out of the earth to join their fellows. Jac felt her ankles quake; the shadows were everywhere, but what was casting them? Jac looked all around but all she could see were shadows and Grace. No sign of anything else.   
“What’s the hell are they?” Jac asked through chattering teeth.   
“They are what is left of those I’ve helped. Those I brought here.”   
“Those shadows are their souls?” Jac mouthed incredulously.   
“Quite. Damaged beyond repair, broken and desolate. Malcontented, desperate. They are the ones who failed. The ones who stood against me. They saw the truth of this world and I destroyed them for it.” At last Jac could see clearly. Whatever she was, all her years in this place had left Grace utterly deranged and beyond all hope of redemption.   
“What happened to the ones who obeyed you?” Jac asked, fearing the answer. Grace eyed her curiously.   
“I allowed them to die.”   
“That was good of you.” Grace waved her hand and the shadows stopped moving instantly.   
“And now Jacqueline Naylor, I present to you a simple choice,” she said slowly, choosing her words delicately. “You can either serve me unconditionally and live out the rest of your life here or you can defy me and become a wraith.” Jac’s heart sunk like a stone through a wet paper bag. “The choice is yours.” 

***

Smoke rose from the burning pyre. The smell of burning flesh filled the air, it mingled with the still falling rain leaving a slightly musty atmosphere around the fire. Luke and Alex stood by the pyre, their heads bowed low in respect to their fallen friend. The flames crackled loudly as they licked around Drake’s body, scorching the flesh like a rotisserie.   
“It is done,” said Luke as the flames rose higher and higher until they completely engulfed Drake from view.   
“Thank you,” murmured Alex weakly. “He would have liked this wouldn’t he?”   
“He would have loved it,” Luke told her. They turned away from the fire and began to walk slowly into the night. Their red hooded cloaks shone in the rain and lightning, flowing behind them as they walked with majestical beauty.   
“Where are we going?” Alex asked Luke as he led the way determinedly.   
“To find Grace,” Luke replied through clenched teeth.   
“But how Luke? Where do we look? She could be anywhere!” Alex said, wringing her hands in desperation.   
“I’ll find her,” Luke said in barely more than a whisper. “She cannot escape the Brethren.” Alex watched him closely, a frown of worry appearing in her forehead.   
“Are you sure this is right?” She asked cautiously. Luke rounded on her.  
“Of course it’s right! That woman killed our family, our friends. She’s destroying our lives and the lives of everyone! How could you even question it?”   
“I’m sorry Luke!” Alex cried out. “It’s just sometimes I think revenge isn’t the answer. If we kill her, we’re no better than she is!” Luke swallowed carefully, considering her words with slow deliberation.   
“She has to die,” he said at last. “I don’t take any joy in it, it has to be done.” He smiled briefly at Alex in an attempt to be understanding. “As soon as it’s over everything will return to how it was, you’ll see.”   
“I hope you’re right. I can’t take much more of this.” They walked on in silence, trudging through the cold wet rain. Away in the distance, the shadows were encircling closer and closer around Jac Naylor as she mulled over the choice she had been given. 

***

Everything was silent apart from the heavy breathing of Jac, her chest heaving up and down. Grace clicked her feet impatiently. The rain was falling harder than before now, colder, harsher and hateful.  
“Time is running out Jackie, I need an answer,” Grace said in a sickly sweet manner. Jac cleared her throat with a dry cough.   
“The answer’s no Grace,” Jac said with calm defiance.   
“What?” Grace’s voice was suddenly severe. Jac swore she felt everything darken further than it already had. “What did you say?” Grace continued, her face thunderous.   
“I said no,” Jac reiterated, standing her ground. “I’ve had enough of this world but I’m not going to help you destroy it.”   
“You’ll be killed.”   
“That’s my lookout then, but I will not let you destroy everything I love.” Grace stared at the determination in Jac’s eyes with casual wonder. She took a step towards her gently.   
“I can bring them back,” Grace said so quietly that Jac had to strain to hear her. “I can bring them back to you.” Jac listened intently. “You just have to help me, Jac and I promise everything will be all right. I will return you to your real life.” Jac pondered this; she saw shapes beginning to form in the lightning riddled clouds. At first they were shapeless, wisps of smoke blowing in the wind but as Jac concentrated she could see them slowly morphing into silhouettes of people. Two people. A man and a baby. Jac’s heartbeat quickened as she recognised both of them. The baby, Freya, was staring at her through wide open eyes, blinking slowly and smiling. Jac felt nothing but love for the tiny infant but then she remembered the pain of giving her up, of losing her and she looked away as the tears filled in her eyes again. Swallowing, Jac forced herself to look up again as the silhouette of Joseph Byrne drifted in front of Freya. He was smiling as well, a look of total adoration etched across his features; his floppy brown hair almost covering his eyes.   
“Stop it,” Jac said, gritting her teeth. “Just stop it.”   
“If you fight me, you will lose them forever.”   
“I’ve already lost them both...twice,” Jac told her, her shining eyes gleaming with tears. “I have said so many goodbyes, there is nothing you can do to me that is worse than that!” Grace took a step away from her; she had never encountered resistance as powerful as this before.   
“So be it.” Jac clenched her fists as the shadows suddenly turned scarlet, brimmed with swirling fire, writhing, shrieking, snarling...

***

“We’re getting closer,” Alex whispered, the susurrus of her voice so low that Luke struggled to hear her.   
“I know,” he murmured back at her. “We have to be quiet as ghosts now, if she hears us, we’re dead.” Alex nodded in frightened agreement.   
“What about the woman?” Alex was pointing at the shadowy figure of Jac lurking just ahead of them in the centre of the road. They could see the shadows, wreathed in flame encircling Jac viciously.   
“It’s started then,” Luke said with a sigh of hopelessness and despair. “Can you see the old woman?” Alex cricked her neck to look.  
“Yes,” she said, spotting Grace standing just a few feet away from Jac.   
“What’s she doing?”   
“Nothing. I don’t know, she’s just...standing there.” Luke took a deep breath. I don’t know what to do, he thought miserably.   
“Luke...” Alex mumbled.  
“Yes?” Luke asked kindly.   
“Luke, I’m really, really scared.” Luke stopped walking and turned to look at her. He forced himself to smile gently and squeezed her trembling hand.   
“So am I, Alex, so am I.” Alex wasn’t sure if she felt reassured but she appreciated the gesture all the same. I wish she could see how frightened I am, Luke thought wretchedly. This could be the last day I ever see her... 

***

Grace’s eyes were glowing crimson; wreathed in shrieking flame, it was as if her pupils were dancing in fire, full of rage and desire. A desire to destroy. The shining scarlet shadows were almost upon Jac, so close she could taste them. Jac felt weird; she had never tasted a shadow before, but as the shadows engulfed her closer and closer, Jac was suddenly aware of how exposed she was. Grace threw her arms out wide suddenly; as she did so, the sky erupted in a maelstrom of flashing lightning.   
“There’s a whirlpool in the sky?” Jac mouthed in astonishment. The clouds swirled round and round like water draining through a plug. In the centre, Jac could see the lightning striking through the clouds over and over again until there were no longer any gaps between the strikes. Grace’s arms shone as bright as the sun in daylight. She clapped her hands together; the sound echoing across the silent hills. The shadows stopped moving instantly. They floated around Jac, brushing against her face like dry ice.   
“I gave you the chance to help me willingly Jackie,” Grace’s voice was deep and echoey as though she were talking through a megaphone from far away. “Now you will watch the world burn from the inside out!” Grace laughed maniacally.   
“You’re insane,” Jac said with a pained expression. “What do you get out of it all?”   
“Revenge,” Grace replied coldly.   
“What for?” Jac cried. “What’s the point?”   
“All my life I had nothing! No one paid any attention to me when I was living, so why should I give them anything now I’m dead?”  
“So you’re just having a tantrum because mummy didn’t give you enough kisses or daddy didn’t hug you enough?” Jac said in a voice that clearly showed her annoyance.   
“This isn’t just some stupid tantrum!” Grace raged. “I’m just repaying what I was owed!” Jac sighed exasperatedly.  
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Grace was barely listening now, her face riddled with hatred. “The world, this place...it doesn’t owe you anything.” Grace lowered her arms and turned to Jac with a look of the utmost loathing in her eyes.   
“It owes me everything.” She looked straight at her, her look so piercing Jac felt as if Grace was staring into her soul. “I wasn’t always like this, so full of hate and loathing.” She cricked her neck. “That’s better. Now, where was I? Ah yes! I spent years looking for the good in everyone...when I first came to this world, after I died, I did my duty. Yes, Jackie, I did my duty. I watched over the other lost souls, like yours, who came here...disillusioned with their lives,” she paused. Jac watched her carefully, there was no remorse or fond remembrance in her eyes. They were cold, empty...dead. “For years I did this spurred on by a promise. A promise that if I helped the other souls for ten years, they would let me fade into the abyss.” Something sparkled in her eyes. Was it...? Jac thought. A silver tear slid down Grace’s cheek. “The ten years came and went. Yet still I was trapped here. Trapped in this mind-numbing infinity of utter boredom! At first I thought, maybe they’d just forgotten and that tomorrow I’d wake up to find I was finally free. Yet tomorrow came, and the next day and the next day and so on until I realised...I was never leaving. So I stopped, I let go. I became the devil within.” 

***

A knife appeared at Grace’s throat unexpectedly. The blade was curved, with brutal jagged edges and a faded coat of arms engraved on to it.   
“Any last words?” Rasped Luke, for it was he. Grace turned quickly away, taking care to avoid ripping her neck on the blade’s teeth, but her flight was stopped instantaneously by the sudden appearance of Alex.   
“Didn’t I kill you?” Grace asked, giggling.   
“Not quite,” Alex said stiffly.   
“Where’s the other one, Drake or whatever the hell he was called? He was meant to finish the job.” Grace said, suddenly noticing the absentee.   
“Dead,” Luke muttered, still holding the knife up to her. Grace smiled.   
“Good.” Luke’s temper flared.   
“He was more than you’ll ever be!”   
“I hope he suffered!” Grace spat.   
“So will you,” Luke promised. Alex took out a flask of steaming water, still keeping her eye on Grace and emptied the contents carefully over the ground in front of Jac. The tarmac hissed but Jac knew at once that she was free to move again. She stepped through the shadows; they didn’t notice her, their attention fixed upon Luke, Alex and Grace. There was only one escape route left for Grace now. Jac shifted into view, blocking it.   
“It’s over Grace,” Jac said softly. “Stop this now.”   
“I can’t,” Grace snarled. “I won’t.”   
“We’ll help you fade,” Jac pleaded, desperate to get through to the desolate mad old woman. Grace’s whole expression instantly changed.   
“Do you promise?” Jac nodded. Grace lowered her arms slowly. She closed her eyes, screwing them tight. The shadows appeared to fade away. The lightning stopped, yet the clouds still swirled.  
“I don’t trust her!” Luke hissed.   
“I made a promise,” Jac said. “Put the knife down.” Luke hesitated. “Do it!” With a heavy heart, Luke sheathed the knife in his belt. It happened before any of them could stop it. Grace’s face flashed scarlet, her arms flung out knocking both Jac and Luke out of the way. She turned on Alex, grabbing her by the scruff of her neck and dragging her away from the sprawling bodies of Jac and Luke, struggling to climb back on to their feet.   
“I warned you!” Luke mouthed furiously at Jac, brandishing the knife lethally.   
“I had to give her the chance!” Jac snapped back.   
“Now she’s got Alex! Well done!”   
“There’s still a chance,” Jac murmured, thoughtfully. Luke shook his head in doubt. Grace turned around, her arm around Alex’s neck, squeezing tightly.   
“Don’t...do...what...she...says,” Alex managed to call out with difficulty. Grace tightened her hold. “You...have...to...do...it! There’s...no...choice...!” Alex was squirming, struggling to get away from Grace’s ever tightening grip.   
“Drop the knife now!”   
“Don’t!” Alex strained in desperation. Her eyes bulged as she choked, her face turning bluer with every second. Luke held the knife outstretched, shaken, looking from Alex to Jac. Jac was frozen, she couldn’t move for terror. Luke made to throw the knife down on the ground, defeated. “No!” Alex wheezed. She let out a sudden gasp of pain, suddenly silenced as Grace used all her strength to break her neck. Alex collapsed to the floor in a broken heap. Grace cackled. Luke clenched his fists in a distraught rage. Grace was still laughing, Jac still standing open-mouthed...Luke’s arm flung back over his head, all of a sudden the knife was flying through the air towards Grace’s exposed chest. The knife struck home with a sickening squelch of metal through flesh. Grace stopped laughing, her expression one of surprised anguish but before she could collapse, two shadows erupted out of the earth and took hold of her. Grace cried out in horror as she found herself being lifted up into the sky. The swirling maelstrom of clouds was getting nearer, she could feel her hair being swept around like a whisk. She tried to wrench free off the shadows’ hold but they were too strong for her. Grace let out a deafening shrieking scream as the clouds engulfed her and moments later...she was gone. The shadows dissipated, the clouds dissolved. The moon hung in the sky, smiling.   
“We’re too late,” Luke mumbled hoarsely. Jac stared at him, his face still concealed by his hood. He was cradling Alex’s body in his arms.   
“I’m sorry,” Jac said to him gently.   
“She was so brave,” Luke said under his breath. “She didn’t deserve a death like this.” He looked at Jac. From under his hood, Jac could make out two startling blue eyes.   
“Who are you?” Luke laid Alex back down on the tarmac. He took a heavy sigh and lowered his hood. Underneath, a mop of floppy brown hair sat on his head, his chin stubbled. At last Jac understood. He had been her guardian angel all along.   
“It’s time for you to return home,” he said softly. Jac closed her eyes. 

EPILOGUE

Jac awoke with a start. She was slouched at her desk in her office, a mug of cold coffee, half drunk, in front of her. Her heart leapt. Could this be? There was a knock at the door.   
“Come in,” Jac called out. The door opened, Jonny Maconie stood in the doorway.   
“Jac you’re awake,” Jonny said in his Scottish accent.   
“So it would seem. Can I help you?” Jac asked, not unfriendly.   
“Letter for you,” Jonny said, walking over and handing a slip of paper to Jac. Attached to the letter was a tiny photograph.   
“Freya,” Jac breathed. She took hold of Jonny’s hand and squeezed it. Jonny gazed at her with adoration in his eyes. 

THE END


End file.
